"Strumming My Pain With His Fingers - Two Times"

When you're going through a rough time, people come up with all sorts of advice to get you through it.  Unfortunately, most of that advice either doesn't apply or is cookie cutter generic - but you overlook that because these are usually people that love and support you, unless you decided to blab your problems to the whole world, and in that case I recommend you invest in therapy.  I strongly believe in honesty and sharing is caring and so forth, but its never healthy to put your pain on public display (haven't we learned anything from reality TV?).  Sometimes pretending is the only thing you have left, it's like therapy for the broke and restless. 

The best piece of advice I've gotten is the following, it's simple but direct, and implies everything without needing extra explanation, it was the end of the discussion:

Lindsay, you are not the type of girl that guys get over, you're the type of girl guys try to get past. 

*sometimes guys give the best advice.

"To Lose Youself is the Greatest Tragedy of All"

I have a dear friend who told me that you should follow your dreams, no matter how much they hurt, and I am inclined to agree.  There are bookstores (somewhere still I imagine) that carry an endless supply of guides and how-to's on life - everything from dating to career to raising kids to handling grief.  Nowhere on those shelves will it tell you that life should hurt, and not in any one way, but in every way.

There's an old saying, I'm sure you've all heard or read from time to time, that nothing worth having comes easy.  I think that person was dead on.  The hardest part is running with it, taking that pain and turning it around, hiding it from the world and even yourself at times, and continuing to chase your dreams.  Regrets are only for people that don't put everything that have into everything they want - until the very end.

There's another cliche that I find appealing, it takes on various forms, but the jist of it is: "knowing when to walk away is not the same as giving up."  You can only fight for something for so long before it is no longer the good fight, until it become deluded and chalked with ill intention.  Life is meant to challenge you, to take you to all kinds of wonderfully painful places and leave you breadcrumbs until you find you way to happy.

I'd rather be a silly girl that chases dreams, than a stupid girl who never tries. 

  

Thank you for reminding me that I'm still alive.
 

What to Expect When You're NOT Expecting

Perhaps the most famous of all "expecting" books is the cult classic: What to Expect When You're Expecting, but why isn't there a book out there dedicated to 'what to expect when you're not expecting'?  A guide book per say to sex without the intention of getting pregnant, or even just a relationship how-to.  I realize there are about a million and thirteen books on dating and relationships, and even sex (besides your standard issued textbook), but why is there not one, singular, edition of a book that is as well-circulated as the aforementioned Yoda of all pregnancy books?

Now I've never personally read that best-seller (as I've never been expecting anything of the baby variety), but I assume it makes a series of generalizations about the female body and typical baby growth and such.  I wonder why it has been deemed the guru of all 'being pregnant' literature?  If it is that easy to generalize symptoms like those, than why isn't there a definitive guide to let's say 'How you should feel when falling in L-O-V-E'?

The difference obviously is that one has scientific backing and the other, well let's face it, is a crap shoot; often a two-faced Indian coin toss, in fact (think Batman).  There's nothing definitive about being in love, or falling in love, or the steps and stages anywhere in between.  There's very few generally accepted statements that you can even make referring to it.  Women and men react so differently to the same stimulation of whatever hormones effect brain chemistry and tell you, in nothing less than flashing neon (preferably pink) signs that you have feelings for another human being and that it may or may not border on the emotion better known as love.  Just like anything involving hormones, some people are more inclined to react strongly, while others are less impacted.



Just some food for thought.  Relationships are tough cookies, tread with stilettos not flip flops. And always carry bandages.    

The Anatomy of a Summer Vacation

When you're a kid, there's nothing you look forward to more than summer vacation; three months of no homework, sunny days, adventures with your friends, family vacations (unless you're a middle child and in that case, it's a coin toss) - three months of lazy in-between.

When you grow up, those same things fall to the wayside as life takes over. No longer do you have three consecutive months to sit, roll over, and play illiterate. Long summer days are filled with responsibility and billable work hours (unless you prescribe to the freelance way of living and in that case, perhaps your days are not consecutively filled with anything of the work-related persuasion).  Deciding how to spend your limited "free time" pretty much becomes the same game that you played last month, except now you can add activities that are warm-weather related (unless you live somewhere that's warm all the time and in that case, perhaps you should just ignore the last line).


However, there's still a strange urge to play hooky (which may be spelled hookey or hookie depending on which dictionary you're relying on).  Even though I landed a j-o-b after undergrad that gave me the summers off, I've never really had the luxury of taking advantage of them in the same way I did when I was a kid.  The first two summer's I scraped by with part time jobs trying to make ends meet, and the last two summer (including this one which is coming to an end in t minus 2 days), I did the same - except I added grad school classes to the mix.

I long for a lazy summer.  One where money isn't the hindrance of my good times and responsibility isn't the backbone of my spontaneity.  I gave myself one week this summer to have an irresponsible good time, to chase something I want, to let the teenage girl in me take over my cerebellum - the whole heart over head conundrum.  I strongly recommend it.  Everything you ran away from will still be waiting when you get back (I promise); the bills and the papers and the friends you don't ever seem to have enough time for aren't going anywhere (unless you've reached the due date and in that case, don't forget that paying bills or turning in a paper late often results in a penalty).      

::insert cliche about life being short and enjoy the ride here::  Summer is once again reaching its finale and the credits are starting to roll in, but when you're an adult you have the advantage of being able to take a vacation during other seasons (unless you can't and in that case, this paragraph is not really for you).  You never get too old to have some quality kid-like time.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do..

I have a friend who recently broke up with his girlfriend.  He's pretty bummed actually, and I feel bad because I was a proponent of him ending it.  Ultimately, he's known for a while that things weren't working out and he was unhappy in the relationship.  So why the extreme bummed out-ness?

 Well, duh.  Being alone is sometimes worse than being in a bad relationship, together.  It's odd how that works out.  The idea of being single seems pleasant, just as the idea of being in a relationship seems ideal from the outside - but the truth is, we want our cake and we want to devour it, all without caloric intake.  We are innately creatures that suffer from lack of boundaries.  When we have something, we aren't satisfied (at least the vast majority of the time), we want more, or different, or exactly what we have but can't and adamantly won't admit it.

So to my friend who may* or may not be reading this while he stumbles through his work day that is providing him only more agitation instead of the cheery distraction my text messages are, BUCK UP!  Someone else will inevitably come along and put a patch on your fractured heart.  People that care about you are all around and sometimes it takes moments like these for you to look up and see that fact.  You're not alone unless you want to be..so take advantage of this opportunity and put in more face time with the friends.  Call someone up for a movie & coffee date (male or female), go thrift store shopping for nick-knacks that you can never justify needing, or throw a potluck dinner party where everyone brings something to eat and something to serve as entertainment.  AND..you can look forward to my list of: "Things to do after a break-up!"     

*he most likely is, since I sent him a text message instructing him to do so..

How To Tell If a Guy Likes You..

I did some googling this afternoon on a subject that has perked my interest lately, "How to tell if a guy likes you."  Now, there once was a time when it was blatantly obvious whether he did, but that was back in the second grade when he would hit you on the playground and run away.  As an adult it can be a painfully disappointing effort to discern like from LIKE and lust from Love.  And frankly, after a longer than average stint outside to world of male interaction, it has recently come to my attention that my coveted seventh sense, the one that combines a plethora of the original six and tells the brain 'Oh. Girl. He is so into you," might be broken.

My research has concluded that either I am broken, or he's just into that into me, or maybe a combination of the two.  

Changing Time

Today at work, while discussing my love life - a subject the older women can't get enough of  - one of them interjected, "I've never seen a generation more wrapped up in there careers and eduction, and less interested in romance than yours."  This of course was a response to my, "I think it would be nice to have a summer romance."  A notion that they all immediately dismissed as being "old school."  I tried to explain that I am looking at my future and its in a transition point, that my life is a series of "well if this comes to fruition, than I'll take this path, if not I'll go down this road."  There is enough uncertainty in my life without adding the strain that a relationship could add to my already weighted decisions. 

From there perspective, a summer romance in contemporary terms is only a physical thing, that the guy would just assume I'm using him for his money.  How this fits with being future oriented?  No idea!  Finally, I gave up my argument and had to walk away.

This is just an example of how older generations may be more than a little confused by the 20-30s crowd.  The future is important.  Careers, education, success - all things that matter, and maybe more than ever.  That's not saying that traditional relationships have went out of the window, but not everyone is looking for a long term commitment.  It's not exactly as if I am NOT looking for "the real thing," but there are a lot of things up in the air and I don't think there's anything wrong with just wanting someone to spend time with; someone that may or may not be part of that future.  Obviously, you can't control your emotions, at least not completely.  There is a chance that a summer romance can turn into something more, but is it really that offensive of an idea, monotonous casual dating with the understanding that if something professionally or educationally comes up it that might be it? 

Sometimes the best memories are moments that just were what they were, nothing more, nothing less. 

Exemplar

Although I take no personal pleasure from the end of a good relationship, clearly not every relationships is going to last forever.  When you think about it, during your lifetime you will have 100's, if not 1000's, of them: personal, professional, educational, romantic, and those who fail to fit in any one category without bending and/or breaking.  It is a fair assessment that maintaining all of them for the rest of your existence is incredibly unlikely [unless you fall under the unstable character category - please feel free to take a moment to check out the definitions for the words: stalker, lunatic, insane, and clinically ill; to make sure that you are not being described].  In the case of a relationship going sour, you may need to consider writing a 'Dear John' letter of your own [which I have detailed the process of in my How to write your very own Dear John Letter! post], and will now demonstrate. 

I imagine that my letter would be targeted at a friend.  In my personal experience as people grow up, there is a probable chance that you'll lose some good ones in the process.  The transition from college undergrad to professional to grad student/professional has added some to that list.  For arguments sake, I also imagine the tone of my letter to be mildly harsh [as honesty, lightly coated in sugar, is more my style].

In my head the soundtrack seems like it would fall in place seemlessly. 
I'd probably start with something to get me in the mood, a little musically-induced energy coursing through me couldn't hurt the creative process.  Perhaps, some "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse or some "Running Up That Hill" by Placebo.  I'd follow that up with some more serious "If You Run" by Boxcar Rebellion to remind me I had a purpose and definitely "Back Up Against the Wall" from Caged Elephant.  Immediately followed by Lil' Wayne's "Drop The World," some angry Eminem beats, a little Young Buck, and maybe some reinforcement from "Friends" - Band of Skulls.  Concluding with a international sensation, "All The Same to Me" by Anya Marina.

Dear John,
Although this letter might be a bit of an overkill, since I'm pretty sure by now you've realized, and are in the process of accepting, that we've been pretending to be important to eachother for much too long.  I'd like to take the high road and admit responsibility for my part in the crash and burn of whatever you'd like to define our relationship as. 

I'd like to - but I can't.  I find that it would be pointless and counter-productive, and might leave you with the wrong impression; hope.  Let me assure you that there is none. 

I'm also painfully aware of your knack for turning things around and making them everyone else's fault regardless of the reality of the situation (really it's a brilliant talent you possess), and i'm not prepared to offer you ammunity for your selfish nature based on principle (you understand, of course). 

However, I encourage you to be conforted by the fact that for quite an extended period of time you tricked me into thinking you weren't a committment-phobic, pathologically oblivious, narcisistic, money hungry, jerk face..bravo on that accomplisment.  At least you can be confident that you may have a future as an actor..or more appropriately perhaps, a professional grifter.  

For future reference - friendships are participatory and interactive activities [look up: two-way street], the silent treatment should not be confused with "being busy" for 4 months straight, excuses-on-demand isn't the most attractive selling point in a list of qualities, and lies are best saved for people that don't have active facebook accounts [because "it's a small world after all" and "pictures say a 1000 words". 

Nevertheless, I wish you the best of luck in your future.  Since you have a tendency to attract the crazies [read: CRAZIES!]..you probably need it in karmic extreme doses..too bad it doesn't come as an alcoholic beverage, or you'd be set.

Forget Me Not [or whatever],
Lindsay               

This is roughly what your finished product might look for, I did move the quote portion to the end for dramatic realism.  Happy Writing!

How to Write Your Very Own Dear John

The official definition of a "Dear John" letter revolves around a romantic relationship, but im my head it seems like an appropriate extension of this concept would be to end a friendship as well.  If you think about it, frienships are also complex relationships which can end in comparatively horrible circumstances.  I think that the more important function of the letter is not who is eligible to receive one, but how can you frame your message to elicit the desired result?

There are several elements that I think are absolutely necessary in creating this work of art/passion to consider.  

ELEMENT # 1: TONE [in the 3 broadest-possible, all-encompassing categories ]:
Option A)  Harsh - If you're looking for a gut-wrenching, emotion draining, right hook the nearest innocent bystander type of reaction - than this is the option for you.  Perhaps your friend/significant other is a douche [can also be read as: dick] or has previously commited crimes against your heart [i.e. adultury, starring in an adult film without your knowledge, misunderstanding the concept of friendship being a two-person participatory activity].

Option B)  Feather Bed - this would be your "let-them-down-easy-so-they-feel-like-it-was-their-idea-and-they-are-blissfully-ignorant-of-the-fact-that-they-just-lost-the-best-thing-that-ever-happened-to-them-because-it-was-their-idea" option.  By using this type of circular reasoning you can confuse and comfort your reader.  The recipient should be someone that you still have warm, fuzzy feelings for [like the way you feel after a few shots of good vodka] and ultimately are not trying to hurt - but the expiration date on this relationship has been reached and these things are best dealt with before they begin to emit odor. 

Option C) Indifference - this option is best delivered by text message; because seriously - if you don't give a shit-just phone it in hun.

ELEMENT #2: SOUNDTRACK [while writing an emotional letter it is important to set the mood with a soundtrack for success based on your chosen tone]

If you chose harsh, than chances are you are feeling angry [and chances are that's an understatement].  I would personally choose something with a "fuck the world" type of lyrical entertainment - some hardcore gangster rap would be idealic.

If you chose softly, you may be feeling nostalgic and I would suggest something in the alternative genre circa 1990's

If your indecisive, perhaps just a soundbite..text messages aren't exactly known for being time consuming efforts.

ELEMENT # 3: INTRODUCTORY QUOTE
I feel like anything you can say, someone has already said better.  Use this to your advantage..remember you are only as great as your resources. 

If you have all of these elements, a wicked talent for the pen, and a few witty prose..the letter will practically write itself.


Stay tuned for my next post, where i'll demonstrate these elements with [drum roll please..dunt da duh] an example ::gasp::

Dating Checklist - Updated

In consideration of my recent possibly Mayan ancestry, I have decided to add a new standard to my 7-Standards For Happiness (Dating Checklist) which will from hence forth have 8 requirements/strong preferences, instead of the aformentioned 7 (just in case anyone was confused [if you are confused, perhaps you haven't read 7-Standards For Happiness (Dating Checklist) and should CONSIDER reading or re-reading it before moving ahead in my thought process..or not, but if you do it's conveniently located at  7-Standards For Happiness (Dating Checklist)..either way, I support freedom of choice).  [Heyy, shameless self-promoting keeps Lindsay Lohan in the headlines..]

::guitar solo::
8.  Preferably Aztec:  I have been informed by my good friend (yes, an Aztec himself), that the Mayan and Aztecs are enemies, and let's be serious..there's nothing better than make-up sex (especially when you have that much making up to do ;)

Please apply if you meet these updated requirements, and note **all previous applications have now been shredded**

Hopelessly Devoted

For three years, almost to the day, I wore a "wish" bracelet.  It was nothing more than a piece of pink ribbon [yes, pink. I know ::jaw ajar::] from Brazil with something that I could never translate in Portuguese written on one side, wrapped around my wrist twice.  See I was at a festival and it was part of a booth's theme [which was?] so I said "what they hey?" and than probably something that sounded like "it's free right??"  I'm not sure if I completely understood the concept, since my wishing on stars and the clock when it strikes hours like "1:11" and "5:55" hasn't [in present tense] really worked out so well for me; or if I assumed that it would just fall off in the next couple weeks and that would be that.  
Obviously, that didn't happen.

So I did what any recent, single, and arguably somewhat employed college graduate would do.  I made all 3 of my wishes on boys. 

I'm not sure what I wished for, so I can't be completely sure that since my bracelet fell off the other day at Ikea [Bollingbrook, not Schaumberg..p.s. total disappointment] they haven't come true - but baring a miracle that I am unaware of, I think that I can pretty much say with full confidence that the bracelet was a dud.

I had a brief glimmer of hope on the way home from Ikea when the phone rang and it was 1/3 of my hearts desire [quite possibly past tense].  However comma I'm sure I could have saved the gasp..since we already had plans for that night..

Until next time..keep wishing on stars [or other sparkly things] - they can't all be broken.

Men are from Venus..and Me? I'm from Detroit.

Men.  You can't live with them.  Well I think that is pretty much the platform for my campaign, but I guess it's always a subject that is open to interpretation.  Who would I be if not a willing participant in the world of trivial debates?  I believe that would make me an isolationist of sorts, and I much prefer existing in the universe as a social butterfly flitting between conversations.  Ready, able, and all for exerting my opinion when the situation deems it appropriate [and let's face it, quite often without an invitation].   

Now women.  We are no easy piece of dessert ourselves.  Subconsciously exerting an undeniable, and sometimes less than subtle, control over our environment.  A statement perhaps as confusing as "we are women, hear us roar" - an independent notion trapped in the throws of an animalistic nature that seems to transgress the bound of feminism. 

At least men are moreso blantant in their intentions. 

Some food for thought.  Brain food if you will.

The Many Moods of R&J

I think Mercutio had it right when he told Romeo "If love be rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love for prickling, and you beat love down" (Act 3, sc. 1).  There is a school of thought that believes this is the rantings of a man that believes that love can be controlled; however, in my opinion, it is not about controlling love - but about not being controlled by it.  The idea of living outside of love's grasp and writing your own story. 

This is the advice of a man who has clearly had some experience in the torture of heartbreak.  The realization that love provides very little consolation in times when you are out of its favor tends to come as a surprise to most; but keepy in mind that after all, it is misery that loves company - not love.  Romeo suffers from the tragic flaw of perpetual lust, motivated by his drive to find true love (which let's face it, is that what him and Juliet have? or is this just another feeble attempt to rebound from unrequited love that he simply is swept up in?).  He lets "love" take its course and control him which ultimately leads to his untimely demise.  If he had been more open to the idea that love is something that we do, not something we are, like his friend was expressing to him in very dramatic fasion - maybe he would have survived it.  Instead, the tragedy lies in the fact that love conquered him.

It's easy to rely on love as the catalyst for change and internal motivation when you are in cohoots with it, but it is another story entirely when you don't fall under its protection.  The heartwrenching reality is that love is something that is often outside of our control, the only choice we have it to know the difference and refrain from letting it devour us entirely.  

Polar Opposites

Is there a difference between being too available and too unavailable?? Or are these two ends of the spectrum both virutally the same thing?

The biggest complaint that my male friends always have with my approach to men has always been that I was too available; "Men like to chase you" they say.  As I have progressed into the career sphere and out of the college zone and again back into it - my schedule and lifestyle has transformed itself into one that is less available naturally. No longer in the too available category, it got me thinking "What about people that are too unavailable?" 

If being too available makes you not enough of a challenge, than logic would reason that being too unavailable makes you too difficult of a challenge. 

Just another obstacle women have to face - finding a balance. 

Zodiac

Giving advice to female friends regarding heartbreak and relationships can be an incredibly hazardous experience.  Partly because women are always of 2 minds about everything; but mostly because they are [hopefully] not pod people.  When relationships go sour, women struggle with a number of difficult decisions.  These decisions are wide ranging and depend on many variables: length of relationship, problems (cheating, bad habits, annoying quirks, clingy-ness, etc.), personal background, baggage, blah blah blah.  As far as I can see it there are two main roads to take when delving out this sort of advice [if you dare].

You can stress:
1)  Walking away
2)  Sticking it out

Either way, you have to stress that they have to make the right decision for themselves and no one else; which unfortunately is usually the hardest one. 

Sometimes walking away is the hardest thing to do -  to not stick with your comfort zone and run back the minute he calls with his sobbiest excuse, I mean apology; staying would be the easy option.  Pretending that this is just a rough spot [that happens all to often] is easier than starting over, than being alone..because let's face it - for most people on this planet, being alone pretty much sucks.  Have you ever noticed that people who say they love being single usually drink [heavily] and manage to find someone(s) to fill their bed [like it's there religion].  Walking away and giving up are not the same thing.              

However, there are a lot of people that are willing to give up at the first sign of trouble [red flag, warning].  Most times these are the people that have poor relationship histories and are trying to be smart.  These are also the people who are perpetually alone.  Not being able to trust another person romantically is a potentially harmful condition [disorder].  Being alone because you are too scared to feel is a painful reminder of what someone else did to you, what someone took away from you - your ability to let someone in; being numb is not normal.  It's not always a good idea to stay and fight for your relationship; sometimes its past that point, but you have to keep in mind that all relationships have problems.  If you run away from happiness, it's like chasing a ghost - pretty much not gonna get you anywhere.

Think about it..     

Before I Became a Cynical Bitch..

This weekend was very reminiscent of the time before I became a cynical bitch.  I was down in Indianapolis basking in the Final Four festivities at Jillian's, where I consumes excessive amounts of  alcohol and liquid couraged my way up to hitting on the hot, Robert Pattison look-alike that had been standing within 5-feet of me for most of the game.  **By the way my future husband's name is Josh and he roots for Butler - and there is a good chance that he resides in/or around Indianapolis**  However, despite scoring an invitation to hang out with Josh & Co. at a bar afterwards, "fate" had other plans, and by the time I figured out that I should probably exchange numbers in case of such emergency, I was stuck in the sluggishly moving ladies line and he left in the meantime.  So this is my letter a guy i'll never see again, but really thought was groovy and will indebidily hang out at Cadillac Ranch next time i'm in Indy secretly wishing that he is actually a regular there and not just a one time V.I.P. patron.

Dear Josh-
     Although you were clearly wearing too many layers of clothing for the conditions, while I was desperately trying to not look sweaty, and the guys I was with made fun of your scarf..I thought you looked pretty rugged and debionaire in a very Hollywood meets East Coast kinda way - especially when Jen commented on your outfit choice and you admitted that you had yet another heavy, unseen layer on beneath your jacket, and could laugh about it anyway. 
     To be honest, I don't really appraoch men at bars - since I usually assume that they're all douches - but something about the way you made me feel uncharacteristically intimidated and how you made my stomach feel just a little bit like it did when I was 16 and how I experienced the strange sensation of butterflies when you brushed against me, gave me a little extra umph..but since i'm being completely honest, the massive amounts of liquor I consumed may have played a slight role.
     I think you look like Robert Pattinson, which i'm not even sure he would take as a compliment - but you should.  In fact, your mannerisms are exactly as I imagine his to be - despite your facade of being too cool to care (and too cool to admit that's the look you're going for), I personally witnessed you jumping up and down at the final buzzer when Butler took home the win over my own pick, Michigan State.  Something I think we could both agree would fall into the "very RPatz" category.    
     Moreover, i'm sorry I didn't make it out to where you were later that night, where I was planning on definitely, if not completely, being very direct and informing you that even though I thought your pants didn't do your behind justice, that I thought there was something about you that I found extraordinarily appealing and I would be very interested in knowing if my first impressions of you were at all correct - but since the likelyhood of me running into you ever again barring some massive karmic retrabution kicking in - thank you for giving me the giggles and allowing me to smile and stare without getting freaked out in the least. 

Yours Truely,
Lindsay

**Please note that my use of run-on sentences is exactly how I would picture me telling him this in person..life is funny like that sometimes - Enjoy!

Ly'olum lo suv

I wanted to tell you I missed you too. That somehow my life was emptier without you in it. That there was a hole in my chest since you stopped being around. I wanted to..but I couldn't..because I wouldn't mean it. I don't even know when it happened, when I stopped needing you in my life. Weird how that happens.

"Take care of my heart. I left it with you"

Last week, I almost gave myself an ulcer based solely on my irrational fear that all men will ultimately let me down. Even though I had secured a seriously awesome wedding date with someone that I adore and would be hard pressed to come up with any argument against him genuinely caring about me; I couldn't help but overwhelm myself with the ridiculous notion that he would bail at the last minute and leave me sans date. I'm not sure when I got to the point where my eternal optimism became engulfed in the flames of an unexplainable doubt..but clearly I have arrived at my current destination. Although my outlook is brighter than it has been in the memorable past, it's depressing to think that my warm personality has become a facade for my painful lack of trust that has become a threat to my carpe diem style of living; that I have become so jaded to distrust without reason, to run away from potential instead of embracing it.

Of course he didn't let me down -he was the perfect date- and at the end of the night I didn't want it to end. I thought that if I closed my eyes and fell asleep it would all end up being a dream.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

Relationships are all about compromise. The concept of a "man of your dreams" is not complete without a few unwelcomed quirks, because we all know it's not really about finding someone that's perfect..but finding someone that's imperfections are perfect for you. So what if he can't cook, maybe he's really good in bed; or what if he's indecisive, but extremely handy around the casa? These are instances where you can compromise, where you can fill in the blanks. However, when it comes to lack of respect..is there ever really a good enough compromise for being mistreated?

Relationships are auditions for the role of a lifetime; your soulmate, other half, significant other, hubby, partner in crime. Whatever you call it, most people don't want to be wrong when the game's in crunch time. Things starting off right is a good sign, but pleasantries have a way of wearing off sooner or later and it's important to keep your eyes open for red, flashing, "Do Not Enter" signs that maybe your first impression of him was too generous.

Giving up someone that you have become attached to is a challenge; It's like giving up carbs..not really any fun! But just like giving up fatty foods..letting go of an unhealthy relationship..at first may feel like your being punished, but soon will present you with the gift of results that make you smile.

Who's that Girl with the Broken Smile?

"Jaded" ::sigh:: is the replacement word in my vocabulary for the word "ruined." A good friend of mine recently applied it to me, apparently she wasn't so keen on the negative connotation associated with the word I had previously used to describe myself in the relationship sense. I guess that makes sense. Ruined is kinda like destroyed, or beyond repair..that doesn't really apply to me..not anymore. I used to blame my history for making me that way; my tendency to chase the bad guys, instead of run away like I should have..like most girls would have.


Now, only jaded, it feels more hopeful. Like Prince Charming hasn't been hit by a truck. Like i'm not sentenced to a life of solitude for ignoring the biological fight-or-flight principle. More carefully guarding my thoughts, and finding it hard to trust may present certain problems in the getting-to-know-eachother process..but honestly let's be real, there are a lot of jerks out there! And considering my judgement when it comes to the men I attract..having a little extra protection can't hurt ;)