Sunday, July 19, 2009

"Take care of my heart. I left it with you"

Last week, I almost gave myself an ulcer based solely on my irrational fear that all men will ultimately let me down. Even though I had secured a seriously awesome wedding date with someone that I adore and would be hard pressed to come up with any argument against him genuinely caring about me; I couldn't help but overwhelm myself with the ridiculous notion that he would bail at the last minute and leave me sans date. I'm not sure when I got to the point where my eternal optimism became engulfed in the flames of an unexplainable doubt..but clearly I have arrived at my current destination. Although my outlook is brighter than it has been in the memorable past, it's depressing to think that my warm personality has become a facade for my painful lack of trust that has become a threat to my carpe diem style of living; that I have become so jaded to distrust without reason, to run away from potential instead of embracing it.

Of course he didn't let me down -he was the perfect date- and at the end of the night I didn't want it to end. I thought that if I closed my eyes and fell asleep it would all end up being a dream.