Monday, December 7, 2009

Why the average purse snatcher doesn't stand a chance against moi!

Recently Northwest Indiana, specifically the Merrillville area, fell victim to two attempted robberies both involving women, both during daylight hours.  The first in the parking lot of Meijers, resulted in a woman being shot in the back after resisting (currently in critical condition); and the second only hours later, outside of a nearby Menards (perp was easily spooked and fled the scene).  These incidents rattled locals and sparked the ongoing female debate:  do you fight back or just let them have it??

Taking into consideration that most men that try to steal women's purses tend to be inexperienced, desperate, and unarmed (and let's face it, we can probably most likely add pussy to their list of qualifications) - If I was in this situation, and my attacker fell into the aforementioned category, HELL-TO-THE-MOTHER-FUCKING-YES I would fight back! 

The way I see it, I worked incredibly hard for the items in my purse and i'm not giving my money (plastic) away without a fight.  I figure that i'm in pretty good shape from working out so much and have a nasty right hook, I could probably take an average man; with the added advantage that people always underestimate me purely based on my small size and stature (clearly, a mistake on their part) - he wouldn't even see it coming.  Plus, my Detroit upbringing makes me paranoidly aware of my surrounding.  Also, never forget the popular kick-him-in-the-balls option.  

And that is why the average purse snatcher doesn't stand a chance against moi!   

No Success

"And this is as good as it gets" has absolutely replaced "Sí se puede, you can do it!" as the most commonly used catchphrase of my day as my motiviation to hit the gym is wavering.  I blame this on two things:

1) My current financial crunch - which made me put "responsibility" before "vanity" and take an extended leave of absence from my personal trainer. and,

2) The cold weather. How can anyone be motivated to leave the warmth of their abode for a trip to the germ infested alternative??!  I'm just saying..

Instead, today I have spent the majority of my brain cells running through ideas (i.e. delusions) on how to be more career productive.  No success. 

Saturday, December 5, 2009

"Damn, Girl!

Does any woman really look in the mirror at herself naked and say "Damn Girl!  You look good!" Or do most women nitpick about the various points of flab dispersed across their body; examining and ridiculing each bit for its part in her overall dissatisfaction.  I suppose there are some women that belong to the first grouping, but let's face it..most of us fall smack in the middle of the second one. A range that extends to those that are only midly unsattisfied at this sight to those that are depressingly so.  I know that I do!  Despite my extensive hours at the gym each week and dieting - there are still often days that this visual is followed by "and this is as good as it's going to get."  So maybe the problem isn't that I am carrying around that extra poundage that keeps me out of the skinny bitch club, but that my body image is distorted from years of avid television watching and skinny magazine subscriptions. 

Think about it..look around, the average woman is packing on the same extra pounds that I am! (well, probably a little more than me..) 

Yet, I still actively seek that coveted club membership.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Ly'olum lo suv

I wanted to tell you I missed you too. That somehow my life was emptier without you in it. That there was a hole in my chest since you stopped being around. I wanted to..but I couldn't..because I wouldn't mean it. I don't even know when it happened, when I stopped needing you in my life. Weird how that happens.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

How I Met My Mother

Today me and mommy dearest went to Meijers for our semi-regular grocery excursion and we get to the checkout line and she informs me that I am now paying for all of my groceries. I wouldn't have been so extremely offended except for the fact that she has no problem doling out $$ to pay for the rest of my siblings and there extra-large sized appetites. However, because I choose to take an active role in my eating consumation I am fiscally punished. Let's keep in mind that everyone in my household that settles solely for what is put in front of them with0ut lifting a finger to help anywhere down the line (shopping, preparing, etc) is overweight! Plus, there's the fact that she could have purchased my groceries with less than 1 hour of her daily income, whereas it took me 5 hours of work to pay for mine..

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Ahead of the Times

When I was a young girl, I refused to wear jeans. I blame it on the fact that my mother only shopped for us at Sears and let's be honest - in the 90's Sears wasn't exactly the beacon of fashionable options (ok even now it's still pretty drab); so instead I lived my life in legging-like bottoms. Considering the craze that leggings has become in the recent years, I officially would like to be considered as ahead of the times. If only the bulk of my childhood years had been in the 80's or 00's I would have been the hottest little thing on the block.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

To Judge or Be Judged

Today was Day 2 of my trainer-induced diet, and it occured to me as I fought the pangs of hunger and the craving of anything chocolate (btw - I don't even really like chocolate) that it is irrevocably (thanks, Twilight) impossible to escape judgement. It occured to me that skinny people are judged even harsher than the large-and-in-charge crowd, and in most cases unfairly. Yes, some people are naturally stick-like, but often times the quest to keep your slimness is a road paved with broken shards of glass. If you are not blessed with the most awesomest of fat free genes, maintaining a healthy weight and equally flattering appearance is A LOT of work - hours of sweaty gym workouts (cardio/strength training), forgoing that second helping, ignoring the candy aisle, stocking up on vitamins, etc. Some of the lucky few begin the maintaining process earlier, therefore cutting down on the amount of time dedicated to this endeavor; but unfortunately before most people change their lifestyle they reach a personal "too fat" point which requires a hardy time investment to reverse. I have to admit that i've always been more than slightly jealous of my skinnier amigos, but if I had any idea the amount of effort it takes for some of them to look like that - I probably would have admired them a little more for their motivation and determination instead of their lack of bulge.

So next time you cross paths with one of "those" people..remember it's hard work to look like it's not hard work - and possibly, maybe, I don't know, head to your nearest Jamba Juice for a protein shake (just a suggestion).

Monday, September 14, 2009

Douche de Celeb

And the winner of Douchebag of 09 award goes to ::drum roll:: KANYE WEST!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

"Take care of my heart. I left it with you"

Last week, I almost gave myself an ulcer based solely on my irrational fear that all men will ultimately let me down. Even though I had secured a seriously awesome wedding date with someone that I adore and would be hard pressed to come up with any argument against him genuinely caring about me; I couldn't help but overwhelm myself with the ridiculous notion that he would bail at the last minute and leave me sans date. I'm not sure when I got to the point where my eternal optimism became engulfed in the flames of an unexplainable doubt..but clearly I have arrived at my current destination. Although my outlook is brighter than it has been in the memorable past, it's depressing to think that my warm personality has become a facade for my painful lack of trust that has become a threat to my carpe diem style of living; that I have become so jaded to distrust without reason, to run away from potential instead of embracing it.

Of course he didn't let me down -he was the perfect date- and at the end of the night I didn't want it to end. I thought that if I closed my eyes and fell asleep it would all end up being a dream.


Relationships are all about compromise. The concept of a "man of your dreams" is not complete without a few unwelcomed quirks, because we all know it's not really about finding someone that's perfect..but finding someone that's imperfections are perfect for you. So what if he can't cook, maybe he's really good in bed; or what if he's indecisive, but extremely handy around the casa? These are instances where you can compromise, where you can fill in the blanks. However, when it comes to lack of there ever really a good enough compromise for being mistreated?

Relationships are auditions for the role of a lifetime; your soulmate, other half, significant other, hubby, partner in crime. Whatever you call it, most people don't want to be wrong when the game's in crunch time. Things starting off right is a good sign, but pleasantries have a way of wearing off sooner or later and it's important to keep your eyes open for red, flashing, "Do Not Enter" signs that maybe your first impression of him was too generous.

Giving up someone that you have become attached to is a challenge; It's like giving up carbs..not really any fun! But just like giving up fatty foods..letting go of an unhealthy first may feel like your being punished, but soon will present you with the gift of results that make you smile.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Calling All The Haters!

Can someone please explain to me what's so hott about having haters?!

It's not a new fad, but it's definitely one that have persisted long past it's necessity.

Since when did being disliked become a badge of honor? Last time I checked, the whole "oooh look at me, people don't like me, i'm a bad ass mamba jamba" not really a turn on. For sure your mother must be sooo proud of her gangsta wannabe, hater-attracting like flies to honey kidd.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Who's that Girl with the Broken Smile?

"Jaded" ::sigh:: is the replacement word in my vocabulary for the word "ruined." A good friend of mine recently applied it to me, apparently she wasn't so keen on the negative connotation associated with the word I had previously used to describe myself in the relationship sense. I guess that makes sense. Ruined is kinda like destroyed, or beyond repair..that doesn't really apply to me..not anymore. I used to blame my history for making me that way; my tendency to chase the bad guys, instead of run away like I should most girls would have.

Now, only jaded, it feels more hopeful. Like Prince Charming hasn't been hit by a truck. Like i'm not sentenced to a life of solitude for ignoring the biological fight-or-flight principle. More carefully guarding my thoughts, and finding it hard to trust may present certain problems in the getting-to-know-eachother process..but honestly let's be real, there are a lot of jerks out there! And considering my judgement when it comes to the men I attract..having a little extra protection can't hurt ;)


Working for a public school system definitely has it's benefits. The shining star among them being the stellar 3-ish months off for summer vacation. However comma I've been using my time wisely, and lately the concept of making my outsides match my insides has become my number one priority. More than a priority really..a motivation. THE motivation I've been waiting for to start taking an active role in my own happiness.

Now I realize that everyone has heard the line "looks aren't everything," but who really wants to look in the mirror and be dissatisfied with what they see. Does anyone really think to themselves "I'm perfectly happy being unhappy" ?? This is not to say that people can't be happy being pleasantly plump or live perfectly satisfying lives..but I'm not one of those people. Although I know that I'm not really as large as my mind sometimes allows me to believe, I also am entirely aware of the fact that I'm not as in shape or toned or slim as I could be with a small amount of effort on my part.

In a response to my newer - and very rational - form of thinking, I am taking full advantage of my, let's face it otherwise pretty empty, current schedule and hitting the gym with a more fervent attitude. Realizing that being jaded (stay tuned for a blog about that term) would shine trough a little less if my body could reflect more of my upbeat, ridiculously overly optimistic, and passionate personality a little more. That right now, not sometime in the future, is the perfect time to concentrate on my happiness, and let the chips fall where they might in other areas of my life.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Homophobia..that's so gay!

The state of California has made the headlines as of late for something other than being broke..

Miss California has finally got the boot!

Although she believes that it is because of her personal views toward gay marriage, i'm not convinced. Being in the public eye is all about how you handle yourself under pressure. After her lame excuse for an appropriate response at the Miss USA pageant, she simply failed to carry herself in a manner that deemed her worthy of her "crown". This would have been a perfect time for her to save face by calling a press conference or some other type of press junket, and explaining that she was more than anything unprepared for the question and at that point re-answered the question in a more self-flattering way. At the same time, she could have made it a priority to apologize to anyone that may have been offended at her poor answer. Although she would have had to admit wrong doing on her part, she would have come out on top and ultimately appeared even somewhat humble. Instead, not only did she

I think this says a lot about our country and how far we have come, that an industry historically criticized for being all about appearance took an actual stand on poor behavior. It's a step in the right direction!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Confession de Celeb

Yesterday, (after working out..of course) I went to see 17 Again with my moms.

I must confess that I am totally, irrevocably (from my word of the day calendar...or quite possibly stolen from the Twilight movie that I have certaintly not watched 50 times already..right ::looks away and points at something shiny::) in lust with Zack Efron!

I am definitely digging his swagger..who knew?!

Anyways, keep up the hottness kidd! ..and i'll keep watching:)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Trainer

I'm not too proud to admit that the whole transition from sloth to straight-to-the-gym-after-work junkie would have not been so smooth if it wasn't for a certain trainer/eye candy. Even though in the last six weeks I haven't managed to utter more than 2 words to him (I know hard to believe from the girl that usually can't shut up), he has served a definite purpose. Having some man-candy around when you're getting sweaty never hurts! A constant reminder of some other sweaty "not appropriate for children under the age of ::insert your preference here::" activities only motivates me/you to work out harder..a little more umph now, a little less jiggling later ;)

Of course my sources now tell me that "the trainer" ::gasp::..
only just turned 20..which in my book means he might as well be 12.
It's like the signs always say - No Shirt, No Shoes, Not of Legal Drinking Age..NO SERVICE!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Elle's Workout Plan Update

Today marks the start of Week 6 of my get-in-shape-or-die plan. Did I go to the gym today to celebrate?

Well No..
But being sick for the last 3 days has really curved my appetite and thus decreased my calorie intake to whatever there is in Ginger Ale and Progresso soup (don't forget to subtract 120% of those calories to account for the new and exciting ways my body has come up with to dispose of both those yummy treats..good times).

Besides this minor set-back, the working out is going pretty well. Although I have managed miraculously not to shed a single pound, my doctor assures me that I am improving my health - and most importantly my friends think I look skinnier. Let's face it..that's really what matters anyway.

p.s. I'd like to extend a heartfelt thank you to my body for quite literally attacking itself for.a.whole.year. resulting in the loss of my gall bladder..without your very generous sacrifice, I may have waited another decade to get in shape ::round of applause::

Saturday, May 2, 2009

2 a.m.

Knowing when to hold my tongue has never been my strong suit..unless its a secret.

These secrets fall into 2 categories.
1. Other people's secrets
2. My feelings

The first category is a plague I have been struck with as a result of being a good friend/listener and being able to offer some kick ass advice on a plethora of topics. These secrets are not mine to it makes it pretty easy to keep them to myself. Confiders beware: I am not responsible for what comes out if you happen to screw me over..lesson - don't screw over people that you tell your dirt to..not smart.

The second category is more complex.
No, I don't keep in all my emotions. I am a very lively person and often suffer from foot-in-mouth syndrome, which is a nice break from wearing my heart on my sleeve phrenia (see: the college years). However, in the interest of keeping friendships sometimes I feel the need..nay the responsibility, to keep my mouth shut.

It's not that I lie to people, I just sometimes don't share the whole truth..especially with the men in my life. Full disclosure with males have proven to be less than ideal over the last few years, and this is a plight that unfortunately guys in my life now have to deal with. I'm pretty sure they have it coming. After all these years of being walked on, poisoned, stabbed, pushed in front of semi trucks, crashed into by high-powered vehicles of mass transit (all metaphorical..); I know that I deserve to be a little bit of a bitch.

This hasn't stopped me from walking on eggshells for select few men that have proved to have staying power. But everyone has a breaking point. Mine usually come after one too many drinks, after an emotionally charged week (stay tuned for: Why Weight Loss Makes Me Angry). I don't like to be that chica that's always complaining about what your doing wrong, or how I feel (using feeling words cause me to baby barf). Unfortunately for you, if it takes me getting drunk to finally tell you whats on my mind..I won't apologize for that. At least I'm being honest. That's more than most get (or deserve). Embrace it. This is a perfect opportunity to get into a legitimate sanctioned no-holds-bar screaming match with me about why I shouldn't be allowed to communicate after consuming alcohol..

Someone very smart once said, No good decisions are made after 2 a.m.

Monday, April 27, 2009

What About The Gym Makes Me Feel Extremely Uncomfortable?

1. When I walk in, no one ever says hello. It's not like at the mall when I walk into my favorite store and everyone greets me (because they want my money) or Starbucks in the morning (who already knows they are getting my money..because let's face it - who walks into Starbucks and says "nope I don't think I'm going to have any coffee" and leaves) where the employees have made the smart decision to remember my drink of choice. When I walk in the gym I don't even get a "have a great workout!" or "nice to see you again!" Considering the absorbanent membership fees I pay to workout there (and by "I", I mean my dad) I would like to feel just a little bit more welcomed.

2. I always feel more fat when I'm there..

3. I feel unfairly judged by other worker-outers, or maybe they are called exercisers? I have the (UN)fortunate body type that allows me to camouflage (aka make less noticeable) my fat with the right type of clothing. For example, a regular t-shirt is going to be more tight around my "assets" and looser around my midsection thus creating the illusion of a smaller waist (ha!).

Therefore allowing the people larger than me to form the opinion:

"that little girl came here to do what? Walk on a treadmill?? She's so lazy, I'm over here sweatin' my balls off trying to look like her and she's walkin'! mmmmm hhhhhhhhm ::eye roll:: she's needs to step it up..use that metabolism hunny!!"

and skinny mini people to think:

"look at the fat bitch over there walkin'..she needs to start runnin' like there's a treat-on-a-string at the end of that treadmill.. ::yells:: being lazy is why you got fat in the first place chubby!"

**side note: either way you look at it I'm clearly being discriminated against (they're probably just jealous of my curves!)!

4. When I leave, they say goodbye (where was your endorphin-happy a$$ when I got here?!).

Monday, April 20, 2009

They Want What You Have

Have you ever looked at pictures of other people and gotten jealous?? Not because they look better than you (duh)..but because they are surrounded by other people that "look cool"??

Have you ever sat around checking facebook/MySpace to see what other people are doing via there photos and wall posts..wishing that you were doing that same (or similiar) thing or those people were writing on your wall? Does it make you angry that your "friends" (see below) seem cooler than you?


These people are not your friends (with few exeptions). They almost surely fall into the following categories - give or take a detail - :

  • someone that you dont really know but met that one time at the bar after too many shots of tequila - straight up no salt or lime - but managed to stalk..i mean locate..them on FB because your friend happened to know his cousins' brothers' best friend
  • someone that you met through an actual live friend on a random weekend visit to whosvilleland or when they came to your neck of the woods, that you never had the chance to actually hang out with ever because they live 2000 miles away and don't really know..and even if you managed to keep in touch for a nano second via online tools, you never have the money to go visit - because you spend it all buying things to make yourself appear cool (or perhaps to keep your electricity running..but unlikely)
  • someone that you knew back in the day (we're talking stone age era) and haven't seen in possibly a century or so..thus eliminating any potential for being in their pictures (remember digital cameras are from this time period). Yet you feel obligated to accept their friend request because of all that history.
  • and my favorite..someone that you have met and because you run in the same social circle you of course HAVE to be their fb friend..I mean how else are you going to keep up with ALL of the gossip from EVERY possible source if G-D forbid you can't read there wall!

Is there a moral to this story? Always!

Look at your own pictures. Your not standing in them alone ::hopefully:: It's easy to get lost in what someone else has and forget that you're pretty fierce too..


Monday, April 13, 2009

Ultimate Satisfaction

Over the last 23 years, I have been know to have my "moments" of being irrational, not making sense, of overreacting, and most definitely causing a scene (stemming from one, if not more, of the first 3 reasons). However, Friday night proved to be a humbling and satisfying experience of maturity.

Four years or so ago I had a falling out of sorts with an associate. I hesitate to say friend because looking back I'm not really sure if she ever was my friend, or more of someone that I crossed paths with for a short time. While either way, this person was in my life for a short period of time, and than we had this falling out..actually it was a pretty ginormous one to say the least, but because the reasons behind it don't seem particularly important after all these years (to me at least) I'll leave them out.

Friday night I was out and about, and we ended up at the same bar as her (I have to admit that I knew ahead of time she would most likely be there, and had some time to mentally prepare). After all this time, I honestly had no idea what to expect..especially being well aware of my history of blowing things out of proportion (mostly I blame it on the alcohol), but that night was different. I had a cool head and went in there fully-loaded with my confidence and grown-up-ness (not to mention I was looking gooooood!). While I enjoyed the homie atmosphere of the ghetto dive bar scene..I maintained my calmness, while laughing my ass off at how flustered and aggravated she got over me being there! Not only did she tell anyone that would listen that she wasn't a fan of mine, but she sent a voice memo out for none of the guys to talk to me, and when they did..she sent other guys over to get them..who of course had to talk to me while doing so (Do you see the pattern??). Needless to say I left smiling and satisfied (only partially blamed on the alcohol)...and proud.

I realized that sometimes the best way to stand up for yourself is by doing nothing at all..just being yourself is sometimes the best won fight.

Score: Me - 1..Enemies - Nada!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Return on Your Investment

Today people are all about getting a return on there investment, so why don't they expect the same out of relationships??

A relationship is very much like an investment. You are investing your time, money, heart, etc. into someone that maybe you've done your research on and think is a safe bet, or maybe your taking a risk on someone based on a gut feeling with high hopes that it will pay off in the end. Before making this investment, there are some things to consider: Is it safe? How much risk are you willing to take? Does it meet your goals? Have your googled him (my favorite form of legal stalking)??

Most good investors know that there are always going to be rough times, and if you are in it for the long haul, it's important not to jump ship at the first sign of trouble. That mean just because you have one fight about who's going to hang up the phone first, doesn't mean you should break up and run for the hills. However, a good investor also knows when to cut the investment loose, accept the losses sustained, and move on to invest (date) again.

Unfortunately, most women suffer from one of the following psychological defects that makes it hard to be objective in these situations:
1) I'm-sure-I-can-change-him-even-though-no-one-else-has-been-able-to syndrome
2) he's-only-an-asshole-to-me-when-other-people-are-around phrenia
3) It-must-be-me phobia
4) At-least-he-comes-home-to-me delusions
5) If-I-stick-around-he-will-eventually-fall-in-love-with-me complex

NO! ::throws a shoe at you::

Relationships are an investment, and you can evaluate your investment by metaphorically charting the return that you are receiving. Yes, the bigger the risk, the greater the return..but you have to be willing to walk away at some point. This is not to be confused with giving up, you are not giving up by walking away from a bad investment.

I am the first person that will tell you dating is hard now a days..but why would you put up with someone treating you like a cheap pair of shoes?? If the person your dating is not willing to commit to you, compromise on issues, return the favor (haha), make you a priority, acknowledge that you matter, provide you with security (the stable kind, not the I'll beat someone up for looking at you kind), or just generally show you they are headed for an investment nightmare!

Think about it..

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Why The Government Should Give Me Special Parking!

The definition of a disability (or the one I liked best) is:

A condition that curtails to some degree a person's ability to carry on his normal pursuits. A disability may be partial or total, and temporary or permanent.

According to this definition, my love life or ability to love -in the romantic sense- should be considered a disabilty and clearly I should be given a special parking allowance..especially if being "knocked up" is deserving of several designated parking spaces at the mall. Hello! If your too prego to walk to the door of the mall from an average parking spot..than you probably shouldnt be walking around the mall inhaling all of the odd perfumes and stanktasticness that your lovely neighborhood shopping center has to offer you..complementary of course (**newsflash**the womb is not fort knox!!) . I make the exception for the woman being pushed lovingly by the doted father-to-be..chivalry is not overrated - give it a try sometime gentlemen!

Ok but back to my disability, the temporary kind (hopefully). I suffer from the inability to trust men (and therefore fall in love) stemming from an string of ::insert the worst synonym for bad here:: relationships. I understand that special parking spots are reserved for people that have actual physical disabilties, however my love life is quite possibly the equivalent of a natural disaster and I feel that consideration should be given to my request.

Although, I do have a very effective radar in my possession..don't be fooled my innocent gaze, right here in my very own head I possess the ability to single-handedly find any man in my proximity that is either:

a) unavailable
b) unable to commit
c) only unable to commit to me
d) generally bad news + all of the above

A helpful skill I must say, anyone that gets by my!

...In conclusion, these are the reasons that I feel the government should allow me special parking.

The End.

Monday, April 6, 2009

7 Rules for Happiness..(a.k.a. standards for my lovin')

I found myself having drinks with my co-workers at Don Pablo's the other night after an always interesting evening of making a fool of one's self for the children's sake. Toward the end of the evening, one of my older yet still hip work "friends" brought up my dating life. Keeping in mind that I am the youngest person working in my building, I often entertain others with my still-acceptable-under-the-age-of-25 life stories. If keeping up with my antics leaves my associates feeling vicariously satisfied, than who am I take this joy away from them?? And after 2 large margaritas, I am definitely down to share my list of what is required to perk my interest these days..which is more of what I consider slightly above mediocre standards (that every girl should have). It's not like I spend my every waking minute considering these types of things, but I am looking for someone more permanent in my life and feel that I should have some idea of what he might (will) be like. I am however more than willing to negotiate slightly on the finer points of these rules.

1. Preferably Latino - I feel like this is not a selfish request..I'm really thinking about my future Mexi-Jew or Jew-Rican children, in the interest of their built-in tan and advantages of being bilingual in today's society. Although, I'm not that I would probably consider hott as an acceptable replacement.
2. Preferable tall - How else am I going to reach the things on the top of the fridge or in the high cabinets? (Getting a step stool every time is way too repetetive for my taste) But once again, not being rigid..i'm only 5"1' (aka 5") so anyone 5"7' or above looks tall to me.

3. Educated - Today a bachelor's degree is like a high school diploma..everyone has one or an equivalent. Since I myself am educated, I realize that not everyone learns the same way, and that leaves alternatives such as the military or tech school. Honestly, I just want to know that you have some sort of drive to further yourself and can suport me and my growing collection of shoes, books, clothes, and random electronics..if at some point in time I find myself ::shutter:: unemployed or on my road to that Ph.D I always dream about. So no wavering on this point! Plus, educated men is a definite turn on for me..

4. NO CHILDREN!!!! - I do not deal with baby mama drama! This is a deal breaker for me..i'm the kid that brings home to detention slip that reads "does not play well with others!" Enough said.

5. Must have a car - Who doesn't remember belting out the words to TLC's "no scrubs" (Hangin' out the passenger side..Of his best friend's ride..Tryin' to holla at me..I don't want no scrub) or Jay-Z's "Can I Get A.." (You ain't gotta be rich but FUCK THAT..How we gonna get around your BUS PASS)?! Sometimes other people say it better than I can.

6. J-O-B - The only exception for not having a decent, respectable job (b.k.a. one that requires a degree) is that you are a) still in school (hopefully to become a doctor, lawyer, or politician) or b) have recently been layed off from your lavish posting due to the recent slump in the economy and are eagerly shopping around the career sites for a new one. If you don't fall into this category..NEXT!

7. A reasonable amount of debt - I'm looking for someone to have a future with..that means someone that does not owe various creditors $30,000 and has defaulted on 17 credit cards. A reasonable amount of "good" debt includes college loans (that's almost of given for anyone now) and a small amount of credit card debt (I myself have acquired that from "living the good life" in college and pretending I was still in college for 1 1/2 years after..)

I'm convinced that far too many women lack standards and that's what leads to so much divorce..and since my family doesn't believe in divorce..I have to get it right the very first time.

My co-workers though I was hilarious..I don't get it?

Friday, April 3, 2009

How to write a grad school reflective essay WITHOUT offending the admission committee

In my quest to write the perfect grad school "reflective essay" I have come across some helpful hints in order to convey your thoughts without offending the reader.

1. No matter how many articles your read that say be honest, DON'T! Now i'm not saying make up a bunch of stuff to make yourself look good, but your have to be concious of the fact that you are not the only person applying to this program and they are looking for above average reasoning for why you deserve to be admitted. Honesty without finesse is like a hot dog without without the condiments..just wrong.

2. Say what you mean, but you don't necessarily have to mean what you say - confused? you should be. Admission essays are about guess work. You are guessing what the person reading it wants to hear. Why you? or in many more words: What do you have to offer? What makes you more qualified than someone else? What yould make you a necessary addition to the university? What are you planning to do with your degree? As a future alumni, what plans do you have for your future that is appealing to the school?

Remember, you can always change your mind after your in the school. You DO NOT have to decide what you are absolutely going to do after graduating right now. If your like me, than maybe your too young to even know. I'm 23 years old, and I don't have any more idea now that when I finished undergrad 2 years ago. It's ok to just have an interest and go for it (crossing your fingers the whole way)!

Now I have heard the argument that this is a waste of money, but from a philosophical point of education ever a waste of money? I think that learning about something that you actually enjoy is worth every penny..going to school for something that you don't even like solely for the purpose of scoring a high-paying job that your going to slave away at for years and bitch about to your friends EVERY TIME YOU GET THE OPPORTUNITY is a waste of money in my book.

3. Get your point across while emphasizing your amazingness without writing a short novel is always the best plan. As hard as this is for some, you must keep in mind once are not the only applicant! Remember the mission is not to shock and awe, it's to convince someone to take a chance on you. The essay is an opportunity to convince a university that you are more than just test scores and grades, this of course will be backed up by your fabulous recommendations.

On a final note..the school (yes, just one) I am applying to has a rolling I will be sending my application in next week..cross your fingers for me!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

When did people get so rude??

I was at the grocery store last night with my mom..stocking up on my favorites (at no expense to myself..the perks of moving home) and was completely astounded at the various rude people I encountered.

Example A) the greeter..what's the point of having a store greeter that just stands there? Is it not clearly spelled out that your purpose at that moment is to greet me? This never happens at the mall! Perhaps because when you go to the grocery store, they pretty much know your going to buy something..I mean duh why else would you go there? As opposed to the mall..where mass majorities have chosen the "window shopping" option.

Example B) the person standing behind me in the "NO LIMIT - SELF CHECK OUT" line..this woman waited 10 extra minutes for me to finish because she was too preoccupied with her cell phone conversation to look over to the next line and see that it was completely EMPTY! and than had the nerve to roll her eyes at me, not once ,but a minimum of 5 times! Once again let me reiterate NO LIMIT - SELF CHECKOUT better known as the molasses line!

Example C) the employee posted at the self check out line - Why would you put 2 random bags at the end of our bagging ramp?? See my mother does the bagging, and I do the scanning..and than we switch so she can pay and I put the bags in the cart. Unbeknowst to me that these "extra" bags are sitting I just load everything in the cart. We get out of the store and my mother notices the bags and immediately turns the cart around..I on the other hand advise her to keep going. Unfortunately her moral compass is still pointing back toward inside. When we get to the woman that was "supposed" to be watching, and tell her what happened, she had the nerve to give my mother lip "make sure you put both bags back where they were!" complete with head role. Ha! My thinking: if you were doing the job you were paid to do instead of chatting it up with the bagel boy than not only would you have been watching those bags, but we would have never made it out of the store with them! and stored wonder why there is so much unaccounted for merchandise at the end of the quarter..go figure?!

Well that pretty much sums up my food shopping experience..keep checking for more tidbits on me :)