"Jaded" ::sigh:: is the replacement word in my vocabulary for the word "ruined." A good friend of mine recently applied it to me, apparently she wasn't so keen on the negative connotation associated with the word I had previously used to describe myself in the relationship sense. I guess that makes sense. Ruined is kinda like destroyed, or beyond repair..that doesn't really apply to me..not anymore. I used to blame my history for making me that way; my tendency to chase the bad guys, instead of run away like I should have..like most girls would have.
Now, only jaded, it feels more hopeful. Like Prince Charming hasn't been hit by a truck. Like i'm not sentenced to a life of solitude for ignoring the biological fight-or-flight principle. More carefully guarding my thoughts, and finding it hard to trust may present certain problems in the getting-to-know-eachother process..but honestly let's be real, there are a lot of jerks out there! And considering my judgement when it comes to the men I attract..having a little extra protection can't hurt ;)
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