Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Seventeenth Summer

This summer didn't bring love..but it did bring magic.  It brought to reality a more enlightened sense of self, and an astute awareness of reality.  I've always walked the line between realist and optimist; two separate entities constantly at battle with each other.  Until recently, when I discovered that these ideologies are in cohoots. 

My life hasn't dramatically changed, but maybe that's the point.  People put far too much pressure on summer to be a season of drastic transformation, what if it just is another time, another part of the journey?  I plunged through summer - open to new adventures, ready and willing and eager for something special to "appear" - it never showed up..but I never gave up.

Tomorrow a new set of challenges will begin; and my life won't be slowing down in the forseeable future.  Honestly, I've never been happier - single and surviving.  Loved.       

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


When it comes to winning things (particularly through online contests), I am pretty damn lucky.  Usually, it's something tangible like a book, dvd, or accessory; however, the tricky part is when it is something like a concert or trip that actually involves another person.  Since I have cut back on my non-essential associates and keep to a pretty strict close-friend lifestyle, it makes its exceptionally difficult to select a companion.  For example, today I won a trip to California (and i'm not sure if you've ever won a trip, but they don't exactly give you a lot of time to find a guest) and I needed to have one that could fill out the guest release form by tonight.  Naturally, there are a lot of things to consider when choosing a travel partner; but how do you choose between friends that are all pretty fairly matched by friend standards?  Since my best friend lives across the country, I don't have an automatic partner in crime like some people might have - making this a simple choice for them, congratulations. 

Basically, the list is narrowed down to approx. 10 people that I consider my closest friends in/close-enough to my geographic location.  From there, it's important to consider how equally my friends have benefited from my past winnings and who is obviously unavailable (well-known obligations).  From there it went to who could really use this trip - I chose my friend that recently endured a hard break-up and has yet to feel the fruits of my addiction to contest-entering.  This seems like a long process, but don't be confused, it took all of 20 seconds.

The part where things got a little sticky was when I realized that the name of my friend was needed earlier than anticipated, I contacted a 2nd friend (the one that went to L.A. with me in June - and is a proven most awesomest travel buddy) for a back-up.  This is not to say that she was any less of an equal option, I just like to be fair with all my friends (I think that's what makes the difference between an ok friend and a good friend).  I made the mistake of mentioning that I had already invited our other friend and had not yet received a firm yes - but in the interest of time [and my lack of patience] I HAD to determine the likelihood that a had an actual other option.  Of course, she respectably called me out on it, to which I felt horrible - because last time even though she went, I had a different tactic to finding a guest - I simply called my good friends in the order that they had last texted me.

All in all, I feel like this is a perfect example of how I struggle with my foot-in-mouth syndrome on a constant basis - and also, why I will never be a good public speaker ::tear::             

Monday, August 2, 2010

The Many Moods of R&J

I think Mercutio had it right when he told Romeo "If love be rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love for prickling, and you beat love down" (Act 3, sc. 1).  There is a school of thought that believes this is the rantings of a man that believes that love can be controlled; however, in my opinion, it is not about controlling love - but about not being controlled by it.  The idea of living outside of love's grasp and writing your own story. 

This is the advice of a man who has clearly had some experience in the torture of heartbreak.  The realization that love provides very little consolation in times when you are out of its favor tends to come as a surprise to most; but keepy in mind that after all, it is misery that loves company - not love.  Romeo suffers from the tragic flaw of perpetual lust, motivated by his drive to find true love (which let's face it, is that what him and Juliet have? or is this just another feeble attempt to rebound from unrequited love that he simply is swept up in?).  He lets "love" take its course and control him which ultimately leads to his untimely demise.  If he had been more open to the idea that love is something that we do, not something we are, like his friend was expressing to him in very dramatic fasion - maybe he would have survived it.  Instead, the tragedy lies in the fact that love conquered him.

It's easy to rely on love as the catalyst for change and internal motivation when you are in cohoots with it, but it is another story entirely when you don't fall under its protection.  The heartwrenching reality is that love is something that is often outside of our control, the only choice we have it to know the difference and refrain from letting it devour us entirely.  

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Polar Opposites

Is there a difference between being too available and too unavailable?? Or are these two ends of the spectrum both virutally the same thing?
The biggest complaint that my male friends always have with my approach to men has always been that I was too available; "Men like to chase you" they say.  As I have progressed into the career sphere and out of the college zone and again back into it - my schedule and lifestyle has transformed itself into one that is less available naturally. No longer in the too available category, it got me thinking "What about people that are too unavailable?" 

If being too available makes you not enough of a challenge, than logic would reason that being too unavailable makes you too difficult of a challenge. 

Just another obstacle women have to face - finding a balance.