Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Why The Government Should Give Me Special Parking!

The definition of a disability (or the one I liked best) is:

A condition that curtails to some degree a person's ability to carry on his normal pursuits. A disability may be partial or total, and temporary or permanent.

According to this definition, my love life or ability to love -in the romantic sense- should be considered a disabilty and clearly I should be given a special parking allowance..especially if being "knocked up" is deserving of several designated parking spaces at the mall. Hello! If your too prego to walk to the door of the mall from an average parking spot..than you probably shouldnt be walking around the mall inhaling all of the odd perfumes and stanktasticness that your lovely neighborhood shopping center has to offer you..complementary of course (**newsflash**the womb is not fort knox!!) . I make the exception for the woman being pushed lovingly by the doted father-to-be..chivalry is not overrated - give it a try sometime gentlemen!

Ok but back to my disability, the temporary kind (hopefully). I suffer from the inability to trust men (and therefore fall in love) stemming from an string of ::insert the worst synonym for bad here:: relationships. I understand that special parking spots are reserved for people that have actual physical disabilties, however my love life is quite possibly the equivalent of a natural disaster and I feel that consideration should be given to my request.

Although, I do have a very effective radar in my possession..don't be fooled my innocent gaze, right here in my very own head I possess the ability to single-handedly find any man in my proximity that is either:

a) unavailable
b) unable to commit
c) only unable to commit to me
d) generally bad news + all of the above

A helpful skill I must say, anyone that gets by my!

...In conclusion, these are the reasons that I feel the government should allow me special parking.

The End.