Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Happiness Pact

The United States has been known for making many pacts through it's history, the most notable as of late being the highly publicized [and equally embarrassing] pregnancy pact.  If you are unaware of its existence, please take a moment to familiarize yourself with the facts in this helpful TIME article

One of the prevalent theories behind this being the need for young girls to feel loved.  However, in my opinion this is a very expensive, highly overrated, and under thought out plan of attack [like most pacts made the inexperienced..Didn't Tom Sawyer convince a group of boys, including out beloved Huck Finn that being murdering, thieving pirates was a good idea?] 

With this in mind, I'd like to propose a more cost-efficient and productive pact that I strongly believe would benefit everyone; The Happiness Pact.  Along with this brilliant pact idea, I have taken the liberty to suggest some possible options/activities that may induce happiness.
  1. Break some fine China
  2. Have sex on a golf course, get caught..and do it again
  3. Go to Coldstone and order the "Gotta Have It" [or large] size in any of the deliciously calorically high flavors..especially if you're lactose intolerant
  4. Go to the movies..alone
  5. Blog [unless you are an extremist of any kind]
  6. Date the guy/girl friend that you've always wondered "What if.."
  7. Take a day off to work on the art of sleeping..preferably on a beach; don't forget the SPF!
  8. Enjoy a family-free weekend [cell phone creators made the "ignore" button for just this purpose]
  9. Take a class out of pure interest [i.e. How to read a Magazine without Blinking"]
  10. Consider Friend-Love enough..for now
  11. Drive down the street with a car full of children [with parental permission] and turn around 5 minutes later and return them to their owners; spend the rest of the day reminding yourself why birth control is your friend
  12. Buy a pet rock - paint a face for it
  13. Valium
  14. Avoid anyone that you would label as "psychotic" or "unstable"
  15. Keep a record of how many time you laugh in a 5 hour period
  16. Use helium to produce a chipmunk voice
  17. Google yourself
  18. Have a photo shoot, alone, in one of those mall photo-hut booths
  19. Write a letter, and mail it [I know, a pre-historic retro]
  20. Stop talking to that person that ALWAYS makes you "feel" worse about yourself than when the conversation started
  21. Imagine yourself in an expensive couture wardrobe
  22. Read Homer's "Odyssey" - note: your life/journey probably doesn't resemble torture in quite the same way
  23. Engage in an educationally generous activity
  24. Wear a tiara/crown for a day
  25. Trip..going up the stairs - thereby proving your 4th grade science teacher with the big zit who gave you a "C-" wrong
And just for fun, some extra credit activities might be:
  • Dancing in the rain with the car stereo blaring a bad 80's pop song in the background
  • Pass a note using a paper airplane