Wednesday, October 13, 2010


Although I take no personal pleasure from the end of a good relationship, clearly not every relationships is going to last forever.  When you think about it, during your lifetime you will have 100's, if not 1000's, of them: personal, professional, educational, romantic, and those who fail to fit in any one category without bending and/or breaking.  It is a fair assessment that maintaining all of them for the rest of your existence is incredibly unlikely [unless you fall under the unstable character category - please feel free to take a moment to check out the definitions for the words: stalker, lunatic, insane, and clinically ill; to make sure that you are not being described].  In the case of a relationship going sour, you may need to consider writing a 'Dear John' letter of your own [which I have detailed the process of in my How to write your very own Dear John Letter! post], and will now demonstrate. 

I imagine that my letter would be targeted at a friend.  In my personal experience as people grow up, there is a probable chance that you'll lose some good ones in the process.  The transition from college undergrad to professional to grad student/professional has added some to that list.  For arguments sake, I also imagine the tone of my letter to be mildly harsh [as honesty, lightly coated in sugar, is more my style].

In my head the soundtrack seems like it would fall in place seemlessly. 
I'd probably start with something to get me in the mood, a little musically-induced energy coursing through me couldn't hurt the creative process.  Perhaps, some "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse or some "Running Up That Hill" by Placebo.  I'd follow that up with some more serious "If You Run" by Boxcar Rebellion to remind me I had a purpose and definitely "Back Up Against the Wall" from Caged Elephant.  Immediately followed by Lil' Wayne's "Drop The World," some angry Eminem beats, a little Young Buck, and maybe some reinforcement from "Friends" - Band of Skulls.  Concluding with a international sensation, "All The Same to Me" by Anya Marina.

Dear John,
Although this letter might be a bit of an overkill, since I'm pretty sure by now you've realized, and are in the process of accepting, that we've been pretending to be important to eachother for much too long.  I'd like to take the high road and admit responsibility for my part in the crash and burn of whatever you'd like to define our relationship as. 

I'd like to - but I can't.  I find that it would be pointless and counter-productive, and might leave you with the wrong impression; hope.  Let me assure you that there is none. 

I'm also painfully aware of your knack for turning things around and making them everyone else's fault regardless of the reality of the situation (really it's a brilliant talent you possess), and i'm not prepared to offer you ammunity for your selfish nature based on principle (you understand, of course). 

However, I encourage you to be conforted by the fact that for quite an extended period of time you tricked me into thinking you weren't a committment-phobic, pathologically oblivious, narcisistic, money hungry, jerk face..bravo on that accomplisment.  At least you can be confident that you may have a future as an actor..or more appropriately perhaps, a professional grifter.  

For future reference - friendships are participatory and interactive activities [look up: two-way street], the silent treatment should not be confused with "being busy" for 4 months straight, excuses-on-demand isn't the most attractive selling point in a list of qualities, and lies are best saved for people that don't have active facebook accounts [because "it's a small world after all" and "pictures say a 1000 words". 

Nevertheless, I wish you the best of luck in your future.  Since you have a tendency to attract the crazies [read: CRAZIES!] probably need it in karmic extreme doses..too bad it doesn't come as an alcoholic beverage, or you'd be set.

Forget Me Not [or whatever],

This is roughly what your finished product might look for, I did move the quote portion to the end for dramatic realism.  Happy Writing!