Annex

I may have forgotten to mention that sacrifice in relation to material goods also teaches traditional values such as discipline and living within one's means and so on and so forth..

Carry on. 

Without Values, What's Left?

The New Year brings a ridiculously natural amount of discussion regarding change. 
"This year I'm finally going to lose that 15 pounds I've had on since freshmen year of college 7 years ago.." 
"This year I'm finally going to get a new fabulous j-o-b where I get to wear hot little work numbers and come home with free swag."
"This year I'm finally going to put myself out there [without putting out to soon] and meet the man of my wholesome dreams!"

I'm pretty sure the top resolutions deal with weight loss, career change, and relationships..so we are going to assume that i'm correctomundo.  It seems logical.

I wonder how many people actually have the stick-to-it-ness to make those changes happen?  I'm sure the odds aren't on the side of the masses..or there would probably be a new name for resolutions like umm yea umm "all in a day's work plans"..[give me a break, it's hard to be witty on a moment't notice, not to slow down the momentum].

I would have to argue that in order to actually make your "dreams" come true, it requires a certain amount of sacrifice- and since I am quite sure that 2011 is my year of successfull dream acquisition - my first sacrifical decree is the giving up of shopping for a period of approximately 5 months.  Yes, shopping ::hold for gasps::  I happen to love shopping with a passion that I hold only for obsessions and addictive behavior.  See my love of shopping stems from a childhood of being un-coordinated and I would consider it a coping mechanism.  Even now after many successful year of dressing myself in outfits that most definitely match, I still consider fashion to be somewhat of an Achilles' heal for me - a constant point of contension for my inner-self.

I hope to accomplish two things with this particular decision:
1)  A boost of my self-confidence:  Repeat to self "You don't need new clothes to look good, you have more than enough - look at your closet, it now wraps halfway around the room!"
2)  A boost in my savings account:  Let's face it, we're in a recession and my shopping addiction adds up..   

Plus, imagine the time I can save.  It's like a free bonus! 

Of course, there are rules --
1) Shopping for other people (i.e. birthdays, anniversaries, etc.) completely acceptable [best done online to avoid actual contact with the other merchandise - sites that offer free shipping preferable]
2) Shopping for food and other household necessities (i.e. hygenic) ALWAYS allowed [a sacrifice should never result in odor ::crosses fingers::]
3) This shopping hiatus will run from January 10, 2011 - May 4, 2011 [roughly the length of my Spring semester..although finals are the next week, so don't expect a mad rush to the mall..]
4) One "pass" a month [one item..I imagine a corkboard of all the choices being compiled in the corner of my room]
5) If someone else buys it without my knowledge and/or money..doesn't count [kind of like a "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" scenario]

I predict a severe increase in contest/giveaway/sweepstakes entries over the next 5 months.  Feel free to leave a comment re: best ones to enter! 

However, for the next week..let's just say it's a good thing I paid off all my credit cards. 

Good Tidings! 

Pocket-Sized Dreams Expand

With 2010 coming to an end, I suppose 'contemplation' is an overused concept this time of the year.  So many questions rolling around the portion of the brain that thrives on existentialism. 


In an attempt to be more of a functioning 25 year-old and all around more successful, I have decided to indulge in my own sort of social experiment/conditioning.  Yes, this is probably just a fancy way of saying "I'm totally going to rock my New Year's resolutions this year"  [complete with pom poms]. Umm yea..


Publicly successful people often perpetuate the myth that anyone can accomplish their dreams if they try hard enough, I don't believe that.  Some things are just unrealistic [thus a myth].  No your child is not going to be the President of the United States [well, most likely not] no matter how many times he/she watches that one movie where the average Joe makes it to the White House, not everyone can function on 4 hours of sleep like Martha Stewart and Madonna even with mass quantities of Starbucks [even though it contains higher amounts of caffeine than other brands..and tastes yummy!], and some personalities are not meant to be in customer service..


Instead of spending the next week, 'contemplating' how this year was everything my little big heart could desire or dwelling over the inevitable shortfalls, it's time to come up with a plan of attack because after all as the wise Leonard Berstein [successful man] said "“To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time.” [and since I happen to believe in sleeping at least 7 hours a night, the second seems apparent] 


The "plan" still needs some tweeking, so stay tuned - it's going to be epic.

BFF

"You ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you, how many moments of other peoples lives have we been in, we're we a part of someone's life when their dreams came true, or were we there when their dreams died. Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there, or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life, and not even know it."

What if these people in your photographs aren't strangers?  Imagine instead they are people from your past.  When you look at those pictures do you ever feel a tinge of emotion?  A modicrum of pain?

Historically, people lived in the same community most of their lives - I suppose this is still true in many countries, but the expanded mobility of people is most obvious in contemporary society.  We no longer live in the same area for are entire life, or even an expanded period of time once we reach adulthood.  According to the U.S. Census Bureau it is "estimated that a person in the United States can expect to move 11.7 times in their lifetime."  What effect does this have on relationships? 

Social media tools such as Facebook, Twitter, and Skype allow communication to be more convenient - but of the massive amount of people that you interact with on a social level throughout your life is this enough to keep those ties intact?  Even with the ease of communication abilities, busy lifestyles limit the number of people you can effectively remain "close" with - and this doesn't account for the other reasons people grow apart.

Thus the term "friends forever" seems to be duplicitous in nature - but you know what they say "tricks are for kids."

Pink

I've been refreshing my blogger for the past 5 minutes trying to load the stats for my blog (i.e. views, blah, blah, etc.)  and it occured to me that maybe this is a response to my lack of recent posts.  Perhaps, blogger has set consequences for being too lazy to blog?  Or I guess this could just mean the server is running amuck?  Although, if the first is the reason, I would be forced to retort that lazy I have not been.  Swamped might be a better term - to swamped to be creative enough to be witty..or bitter. 

A year ago some poor smuck in the admissions office had the poor luck to receive my application to grad school - inspiring essay, great work experience, awesome extracurricular undergrad activites..not so hot g.p.a. is putting it mildly  yet this unlucky himshe stamped yes on the front of the folder 'ACCEPTED' and then I imagine cringed.  I picture himshe holding that folder in their hands and repreating the phrase "holy shit, holy shit - please don't let this girl fuck this up".  

Well it's been a year and that himshe deserves a raise.   

13 Stars

Sooooo ::rolls eyes up to the left::  It's been a while ::insert creepy smile complete with eyebrow lifts::

I've been off experiencing what is commonly known as "writers block" dunt dunt du ::gasp:: being inaccessible in the blogosphere [but still tweeting my random thoughts in smaller doses - follow me @ellaBronx..]  this phenomenom has made me think - what would a missing poster on the side of a milk carton look like for someone missing in cyberspace?

Missing!
Psuedo name: Ellesperling
Height:  Her profile picture is pretty small so possibly a midget sized torso
Weight:  If the camera adds 10 pounds, possibly slender
Hair Color:  Dark Brown - unless she dyes it, then possibly any color
Defining Features: Based on her blog -snarkey attitude, chronic sarcasm, regular gasping, AND eternal sunshine ("glow")
Last Seen: Never
Last Wearing: Uknown
Reward:  Not Offered
If found, please return to http://www.elle-sperling.blogspot.com/

Enticing, I'm sure.  

Dude!

One of the readings for class last week [which I failed to do ::whistles and looks away::] was about the idea of "aura."  As far as I understood it, although its one of those blurry words - the concept essentially revolves around the idea of something that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.  So there's the obvious [yes, I am referring to "that"] and than there's the 2010 Chevrolet Camaro, which personally makes me a little warm.  Than there's those examples that i'm sure the other 99% of the population would relate to; the slightly or more so life altering moments.  So I will share my recent brush with "aura" to exemplify this point [and as selfish expression of non-superficiality on my part].

Tuesday afternoon.
Me and a Second Grader.

Her:  "What does Miss ::enter my last name:: stand for?"
Me:  "ummm, it stands for me.."
Her:  "No, like what does it mean?"
Me: "::silence::"
Her:  "Because when I hear "Miss ::enter my last name here::" I think of happiness and birds"
Me:  "::insert the sound of my jaw dropping::"

This may sound like a conversation with a child that is raised by hippies..BUT NO! 
The ironic part is that unbeknownst to her, my hebrew name, Ariela Fayga (nothing like my everyday name), roughly translated means ::drum roll:: "Happy Bird" 

I'll let that sink in.

EXACTLY!

The Next Speed Racer? Not So Much.

I've come to the conclusion that I would probably not be the ideal choice for a get-a-way driver due to my increased tendency to put my car in neutral instead of drive when attempting to leave a parking spot..you be the judge.

Word of Advice

Hairspray on a suit jacket does not dry like water.

The Happiness Pact

The United States has been known for making many pacts through it's history, the most notable as of late being the highly publicized [and equally embarrassing] pregnancy pact.  If you are unaware of its existence, please take a moment to familiarize yourself with the facts in this helpful TIME article. 

One of the prevalent theories behind this being the need for young girls to feel loved.  However, in my opinion this is a very expensive, highly overrated, and under thought out plan of attack [like most pacts made the inexperienced..Didn't Tom Sawyer convince a group of boys, including out beloved Huck Finn that being murdering, thieving pirates was a good idea?] 

With this in mind, I'd like to propose a more cost-efficient and productive pact that I strongly believe would benefit everyone; The Happiness Pact.  Along with this brilliant pact idea, I have taken the liberty to suggest some possible options/activities that may induce happiness.

1. Break some fine China
2. Have sex on a golf course, get caught..and do it again
3. Go to Coldstone and order the "Gotta Have It" [or large] size in any of the deliciously calorically high flavors..especially if you're lactose intolerant
4. Go to the movies..alone
5. Blog [unless you are an extremist of any kind]
6. Date the guy/girl friend that you've always wondered "What if.."
7. Take a day off to work on the art of sleeping..preferably on a beach; don't forget the SPF!
8. Enjoy a family-free weekend [cell phone creators made the "ignore" button for just this purpose]
9. Take a class out of pure interest [i.e. How to read a Magazine without Blinking"]
10. Consider Friend-Love enough..for now
11. Drive down the street with a car full of children [with parental permission] and turn around 5 minutes later and return them to their owners; spend the rest of the day reminding yourself why birth control is your friend
12. Buy a pet rock - paint a face for it
13. Valium
14. Avoid anyone that you would label as "psychotic" or "unstable"
15. Keep a record of how many time you laugh in a 5 hour period
16. Use helium to produce a chipmunk voice
17. Google yourself
18. Have a photo shoot, alone, in one of those mall photo-hut booths
19. Write a letter, and mail it [I know, a pre-historic art..how retro]
20. Stop talking to that person that ALWAYS makes you "feel" worse about yourself than when the conversation started
21. Imagine yourself in an expensive couture wardrobe
22. Read Homer's "Odyssey" - note: your life/journey probably doesn't resemble torture in quite the same way
23. Engage in an educationally generous activity
24. Wear a tiara/crown for a day
25. Trip..going up the stairs - thereby proving your 4th grade science teacher with the big zit who gave you a "C-" wrong

And just for fun, some extra credit activities might be:

• Dancing in the rain with the car stereo blaring a bad 80's pop song in the background

      OR

• Pass a note using a paper airplane

Exemplar

Although I take no personal pleasure from the end of a good relationship, clearly not every relationships is going to last forever.  When you think about it, during your lifetime you will have 100's, if not 1000's, of them: personal, professional, educational, romantic, and those who fail to fit in any one category without bending and/or breaking.  It is a fair assessment that maintaining all of them for the rest of your existence is incredibly unlikely [unless you fall under the unstable character category - please feel free to take a moment to check out the definitions for the words: stalker, lunatic, insane, and clinically ill; to make sure that you are not being described].  In the case of a relationship going sour, you may need to consider writing a 'Dear John' letter of your own [which I have detailed the process of in my How to write your very own Dear John Letter! post], and will now demonstrate. 

I imagine that my letter would be targeted at a friend.  In my personal experience as people grow up, there is a probable chance that you'll lose some good ones in the process.  The transition from college undergrad to professional to grad student/professional has added some to that list.  For arguments sake, I also imagine the tone of my letter to be mildly harsh [as honesty, lightly coated in sugar, is more my style].

In my head the soundtrack seems like it would fall in place seemlessly. 
I'd probably start with something to get me in the mood, a little musically-induced energy coursing through me couldn't hurt the creative process.  Perhaps, some "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse or some "Running Up That Hill" by Placebo.  I'd follow that up with some more serious "If You Run" by Boxcar Rebellion to remind me I had a purpose and definitely "Back Up Against the Wall" from Caged Elephant.  Immediately followed by Lil' Wayne's "Drop The World," some angry Eminem beats, a little Young Buck, and maybe some reinforcement from "Friends" - Band of Skulls.  Concluding with a international sensation, "All The Same to Me" by Anya Marina.

Dear John,
Although this letter might be a bit of an overkill, since I'm pretty sure by now you've realized, and are in the process of accepting, that we've been pretending to be important to eachother for much too long.  I'd like to take the high road and admit responsibility for my part in the crash and burn of whatever you'd like to define our relationship as. 

I'd like to - but I can't.  I find that it would be pointless and counter-productive, and might leave you with the wrong impression; hope.  Let me assure you that there is none. 

I'm also painfully aware of your knack for turning things around and making them everyone else's fault regardless of the reality of the situation (really it's a brilliant talent you possess), and i'm not prepared to offer you ammunity for your selfish nature based on principle (you understand, of course). 

However, I encourage you to be conforted by the fact that for quite an extended period of time you tricked me into thinking you weren't a committment-phobic, pathologically oblivious, narcisistic, money hungry, jerk face..bravo on that accomplisment.  At least you can be confident that you may have a future as an actor..or more appropriately perhaps, a professional grifter.  

For future reference - friendships are participatory and interactive activities [look up: two-way street], the silent treatment should not be confused with "being busy" for 4 months straight, excuses-on-demand isn't the most attractive selling point in a list of qualities, and lies are best saved for people that don't have active facebook accounts [because "it's a small world after all" and "pictures say a 1000 words". 

Nevertheless, I wish you the best of luck in your future.  Since you have a tendency to attract the crazies [read: CRAZIES!]..you probably need it in karmic extreme doses..too bad it doesn't come as an alcoholic beverage, or you'd be set.

Forget Me Not [or whatever],
Lindsay               

This is roughly what your finished product might look for, I did move the quote portion to the end for dramatic realism.  Happy Writing!

How to Write Your Very Own Dear John

The official definition of a "Dear John" letter revolves around a romantic relationship, but im my head it seems like an appropriate extension of this concept would be to end a friendship as well.  If you think about it, frienships are also complex relationships which can end in comparatively horrible circumstances.  I think that the more important function of the letter is not who is eligible to receive one, but how can you frame your message to elicit the desired result?

There are several elements that I think are absolutely necessary in creating this work of art/passion to consider.  

ELEMENT # 1: TONE [in the 3 broadest-possible, all-encompassing categories ]:
Option A)  Harsh - If you're looking for a gut-wrenching, emotion draining, right hook the nearest innocent bystander type of reaction - than this is the option for you.  Perhaps your friend/significant other is a douche [can also be read as: dick] or has previously commited crimes against your heart [i.e. adultury, starring in an adult film without your knowledge, misunderstanding the concept of friendship being a two-person participatory activity].

Option B)  Feather Bed - this would be your "let-them-down-easy-so-they-feel-like-it-was-their-idea-and-they-are-blissfully-ignorant-of-the-fact-that-they-just-lost-the-best-thing-that-ever-happened-to-them-because-it-was-their-idea" option.  By using this type of circular reasoning you can confuse and comfort your reader.  The recipient should be someone that you still have warm, fuzzy feelings for [like the way you feel after a few shots of good vodka] and ultimately are not trying to hurt - but the expiration date on this relationship has been reached and these things are best dealt with before they begin to emit odor. 

Option C) Indifference - this option is best delivered by text message; because seriously - if you don't give a shit-just phone it in hun.

ELEMENT #2: SOUNDTRACK [while writing an emotional letter it is important to set the mood with a soundtrack for success based on your chosen tone]

If you chose harsh, than chances are you are feeling angry [and chances are that's an understatement].  I would personally choose something with a "fuck the world" type of lyrical entertainment - some hardcore gangster rap would be idealic.

If you chose softly, you may be feeling nostalgic and I would suggest something in the alternative genre circa 1990's

If your indecisive, perhaps just a soundbite..text messages aren't exactly known for being time consuming efforts.

ELEMENT # 3: INTRODUCTORY QUOTE
I feel like anything you can say, someone has already said better.  Use this to your advantage..remember you are only as great as your resources. 

If you have all of these elements, a wicked talent for the pen, and a few witty prose..the letter will practically write itself.


Stay tuned for my next post, where i'll demonstrate these elements with [drum roll please..dunt da duh] an example ::gasp::

Dating Checklist - Updated

In consideration of my recent possibly Mayan ancestry, I have decided to add a new standard to my 7-Standards For Happiness (Dating Checklist) which will from hence forth have 8 requirements/strong preferences, instead of the aformentioned 7 (just in case anyone was confused [if you are confused, perhaps you haven't read 7-Standards For Happiness (Dating Checklist) and should CONSIDER reading or re-reading it before moving ahead in my thought process..or not, but if you do it's conveniently located at  7-Standards For Happiness (Dating Checklist)..either way, I support freedom of choice).  [Heyy, shameless self-promoting keeps Lindsay Lohan in the headlines..]

::guitar solo::
8.  Preferably Aztec:  I have been informed by my good friend (yes, an Aztec himself), that the Mayan and Aztecs are enemies, and let's be serious..there's nothing better than make-up sex (especially when you have that much making up to do ;)

Please apply if you meet these updated requirements, and note **all previous applications have now been shredded**

The Fate of the Mayan Civilization..is in my blood?

I have recently discovered through my illustrious research into the Mayan culture (done not entirely for self-awareness, but entirely for a research paper that my grade in the course will be realized by) that they is a not entirely incredulous or unsubstatiated theory that the Ten Lost Tribes of Israel somehow found there way ("migrated") to Mesoamerica and became better known as the Mayans; aptly titled "The Jewish Theory".  I have wholeheartedly jumped on the bandwagon, as this would explain a lot about my cultural confusion - and why I have for the better part of the last decade believed myself to be at least partially Latina. 

I believe that the Mayans and Jews share a common acestry that would make this theory very plausible..
a)  The Jews built the pyramids in Egypt - why not build a few more (that are better than the original)?!  I mean once you've built a pyramid..is there really anything stopping you??  Come on now, the sky is obviously the limit..and since they built the pyramids to reach the sky..you can see where this is going.

b)  The Jews are used to living in unfavorable environments..I give to you as evidence #1:  the 40 years they spent in the dessert.  Enough said..Jungles?  No problem!  At least it rains..

c)  The Jews are known for being good with money.  The Mayans developed one of the earliest systems for counting that money.  Simple Correlation.

Now where this theory becomes a little hazy, is the multiple G-ds thing.  In the infamous words of Whoopi Goldberg (or whoever wrote the screenplay for Sister Act), Jews are "stuck like glue to my Lord."  Note the word, Lord, no plural or any kind.  I believe that I can clear this up by adding that maybe this detour from the Jewish way is why these Jews were punished and this ended up back in the land of misery (a.k.a. Eastern Europe).

I find this argument compelling, and perhaps if archeologists revisit the theory - I must insist they include this train of thought.  

So in conclusion, I could clearly be a descendent of the Mayan Civilization...or I could be Spanish.

Hopelessly Devoted

For three years, almost to the day, I wore a "wish" bracelet.  It was nothing more than a piece of pink ribbon [yes, pink. I know ::jaw ajar::] from Brazil with something that I could never translate in Portuguese written on one side, wrapped around my wrist twice.  See I was at a festival and it was part of a booth's theme [which was?] so I said "what they hey?" and than probably something that sounded like "it's free right??"  I'm not sure if I completely understood the concept, since my wishing on stars and the clock when it strikes hours like "1:11" and "5:55" hasn't [in present tense] really worked out so well for me; or if I assumed that it would just fall off in the next couple weeks and that would be that.  
Obviously, that didn't happen.

So I did what any recent, single, and arguably somewhat employed college graduate would do.  I made all 3 of my wishes on boys. 

I'm not sure what I wished for, so I can't be completely sure that since my bracelet fell off the other day at Ikea [Bollingbrook, not Schaumberg..p.s. total disappointment] they haven't come true - but baring a miracle that I am unaware of, I think that I can pretty much say with full confidence that the bracelet was a dud.

I had a brief glimmer of hope on the way home from Ikea when the phone rang and it was 1/3 of my hearts desire [quite possibly past tense].  However comma I'm sure I could have saved the gasp..since we already had plans for that night..

Until next time..keep wishing on stars [or other sparkly things] - they can't all be broken.

Men are from Venus..and Me? I'm from Detroit.

Men.  You can't live with them.  Well I think that is pretty much the platform for my campaign, but I guess it's always a subject that is open to interpretation.  Who would I be if not a willing participant in the world of trivial debates?  I believe that would make me an isolationist of sorts, and I much prefer existing in the universe as a social butterfly flitting between conversations.  Ready, able, and all for exerting my opinion when the situation deems it appropriate [and let's face it, quite often without an invitation].   

Now women.  We are no easy piece of dessert ourselves.  Subconsciously exerting an undeniable, and sometimes less than subtle, control over our environment.  A statement perhaps as confusing as "we are women, hear us roar" - an independent notion trapped in the throws of an animalistic nature that seems to transgress the bound of feminism. 

At least men are moreso blantant in their intentions. 

Some food for thought.  Brain food if you will.

Cell Phone Memories

Have you ever looked through an old cell phone?  Today, I had the genius idea to take the mini-memory card from my smart phone and retrieve the photos that have been stuck in my last phone for an exasperated period of time.  Of course, I couldn't help but be nosy and check around to see if I had managed to not erase my old text messages.  Keeping in mind this phone only held the previous 100 texts sent and received..and my extensive texting pleasure - the left overs were pretty random; conversations that had no start, no significant end, and no supporting details. 

There were brief mentions of events that I have long since forgotten I participated in and questions regarding information that I can't fathom why anyone would need to know.

Most importantly, I was shocked at the number of people that I still keep in regular contact with.  So even though I am left with an unsettling feeling of blankness, i'm comforted by the fact that I actually have hope that the other person can fill me in.

There were also some nice reminders of why I love certain people; i.e. a text from AME that said "it means the world to me" [although honestly I have not the first clue what he's talking about, i'm sure it was in response to something extraordinarily special that I contributed to our budding friendship (and today's his birthday, so if your reading this: Happy Birthday, Gazelle!)]. 

Trashy Linguistics

As a student of English and Communications, I've been submerged in the world of literature.  I find it strange when I reference books and someone mentions that they don't read or read very little, when I read all the time: books, magazines, blogs, perezhilton.com, etc.  The more I read, the more I have come to the question of what defines the term "good book"? 

I find this to be a subjective term.  Everyone is different and therefore has a different perception of "good".  However, what is it about some books that may them so appealing to the mass audience as opposed to just a select niche market; and moreover, even novels read by popular audience can still have the capacity to be filed under the "trashy" column.  Is there even a way to quantify what books are "good"?

Romance novels, like Soap Operas, are comsumed regularly in popular culture but have historically and in present day been given a bad reputation, whereas books that make it on the New York Times Bestseller List are automatically pulled from obscurity to be considered "good".

I think a good book is one that you miss when you finish.  One that draws you in and makes you invested in the characters in the novel, like as if they're your friends.  Words that take on a life-like feel instead of two-dimensional ink marks on a page.  I've read a lot of books that someone else has considered to be a great work of art, and completely missed where the "art" started and the "boring" stopped.  I am even willing to admit, sometimes I even read books that are historically complemented just to be part of the conversation.  I want to be relevant in the discussion.   

Wanted: Wedding Date

My sister is getting married this coming November, and of course 2 months and counting I am still dateless.  Now I understand the argument that I date isn't completely necessary since i'm standing up in the wedding and I will be surrounded by family and friends..but I am still pretty set on being accompanied by a tall, tan, and handsome gentleman suitor.

I have narrowed down my list of qualifications to the following: 
1)  Must be charismatically charming
2)  Must be self-sufficient
3)  Must be able to induce conversations with little or no preperation
4)  Must possess a tan
5)  Must assume all responsibility for bringing the flask
6)  Must be willing to be embarrased and/or learn to dance the "Hora"
7)  Must be between the ages of 24-30
8)  Must enjoy large Jewish families i.e. women who complain a lot
9)  Must dable in the art of E.S.P.
10)Must not be afraid of the concept of "lack of personal space"
11)Must look beefy in a sleek suit in a very contemporary, rico-sauve like way
12)Must polish dress shoes
13)Must understand the concept "chivalry is not dead"
14)Must understand the general idea of "minority time"
15)Must hold a j-o-b, degree, deed to something


However, if I was placing a classified ad I imagine it to look more like this (since that list in print might be slightly out of my budget)

Pretty twenty-something lady seeks remarkably charismatic, self-reliant,age-appropriate (non male-cougar), intelligently employed and commonsensical gentleman candidate to accompany said pretty lady to sister's wedding; preferably one with a built in tan..must NOT be a bum,or anything that ends with an -ist, -ic, or -ish.  Fashionably, reliable("sexy") transportation encouraged(i.e. 2010 Chevy Camaro).          

Just Another Dot Com Phenomenom or The Real Deal?

The current craze in innovative career paths all lead toward social media; but I have to wonder if social media is just another dot com phenomenon? 

A decade ago, Generation X was overcome with a dabilitating desire to establish an online basis.  So much so that the collapse of this short lived era left most of them scathed and unemployed.  Generation X had essentially become overcome by the very advances in technology that had driven them to overnight success in the first place.  The idea of technological based businesses becomes problematic when technology is evolving at such a fast rate that keeping up with it becomes a job in its own.

Social media is the newest wave of internet pop culture reaching its full potention; but how long before it, like all fads, begins to reach a plateau, eventually falling into a recession, and becoming a relic.  The concentration of social networking as a marketing tool has come to replace other historically effective techniques in order to attract a changing demographic in consumers, similiar to how the dot com companies brought a new sort of product to a welcoming audience. 

The constant need for change that has become a staple in American society results in a lack of modern tradition.  We know longer have certainties, and are often dictated by a world of constant miscalculations.

Take The Lead

As part of a required lit/comm seminar, I have been reading the insightful tale The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner.  Although I more than likely would not have indulged in it if not required, I actually have enjoyed it [almost] completely.  As an extention of the reading itself, I have found myself an active participant in the conversation of "happiness." 

I have come to find out that I happen to been exponentially happier than the average person.  Perhaps, I should be the one writing the books on how to be happy that people rack up on their coffee table to induce personal satisfaction, all the while contributing to a billion dollar self-help inductry that exists - ranging from the books themselves to seminars and "life coaches" [a term I use loosely at best] and possibly past that.

What is happiness?  
The problem with happiness is that it doesn't wrap up into a cliched metaphorical box complete with a perfectly styled bow and magically poof into your life.  Happiness is an individualistic pursuit at best.  Often times, there are things that "generally" make people happy, but is there anything that makes everyone happy?  Even the simple idea of living generates opposition.

However, as an overly happy person [even considering that there are at least several times a day that I suck at life], I woud suggest that maybe happiness has nothing to do with any particular thing or action.  Maybe happiness is just being happy.  No rhyme or reason or excuse or external force.  Not the small things or the shiney things or cars that go really fact.  There is always going to be something to blame unhappiness on -poor economy, handicap, lack of opportunity, your mom, or in some cases a chemical imbalance..but interestly enough love is also considered to be a chemical imbalance - and it tends to make people happy [or insane] for the most part.

Your customizable happiness is available to you for the reasonable cost of $free.99 and can be self-installed at your convenience with small print on the "box" that reads "doesn't come with instructions."                 

Just be.

Seventeenth Summer

This summer didn't bring love..but it did bring magic.  It brought to reality a more enlightened sense of self, and an astute awareness of reality.  I've always walked the line between realist and optimist; two separate entities constantly at battle with each other.  Until recently, when I discovered that these ideologies are in cohoots. 

My life hasn't dramatically changed, but maybe that's the point.  People put far too much pressure on summer to be a season of drastic transformation, what if it just is another time, another part of the journey?  I plunged through summer - open to new adventures, ready and willing and eager for something special to "appear" - it never showed up..but I never gave up.

Tomorrow a new set of challenges will begin; and my life won't be slowing down in the forseeable future.  Honestly, I've never been happier - single and surviving.  Loved.       

Dodgeball

When it comes to winning things (particularly through online contests), I am pretty damn lucky.  Usually, it's something tangible like a book, dvd, or accessory; however, the tricky part is when it is something like a concert or trip that actually involves another person.  Since I have cut back on my non-essential associates and keep to a pretty strict close-friend lifestyle, it makes its exceptionally difficult to select a companion.  For example, today I won a trip to California (and i'm not sure if you've ever won a trip, but they don't exactly give you a lot of time to find a guest) and I needed to have one that could fill out the guest release form by tonight.  Naturally, there are a lot of things to consider when choosing a travel partner; but how do you choose between friends that are all pretty fairly matched by friend standards?  Since my best friend lives across the country, I don't have an automatic partner in crime like some people might have - making this a simple choice for them, congratulations. 

Basically, the list is narrowed down to approx. 10 people that I consider my closest friends in/close-enough to my geographic location.  From there, it's important to consider how equally my friends have benefited from my past winnings and who is obviously unavailable (well-known obligations).  From there it went to who could really use this trip - I chose my friend that recently endured a hard break-up and has yet to feel the fruits of my addiction to contest-entering.  This seems like a long process, but don't be confused, it took all of 20 seconds.

The part where things got a little sticky was when I realized that the name of my friend was needed earlier than anticipated, I contacted a 2nd friend (the one that went to L.A. with me in June - and is a proven most awesomest travel buddy) for a back-up.  This is not to say that she was any less of an equal option, I just like to be fair with all my friends (I think that's what makes the difference between an ok friend and a good friend).  I made the mistake of mentioning that I had already invited our other friend and had not yet received a firm yes - but in the interest of time [and my lack of patience] I HAD to determine the likelihood that a had an actual other option.  Of course, she respectably called me out on it, to which I felt horrible - because last time even though she went, I had a different tactic to finding a guest - I simply called my good friends in the order that they had last texted me.

All in all, I feel like this is a perfect example of how I struggle with my foot-in-mouth syndrome on a constant basis - and also, why I will never be a good public speaker ::tear::             

The Many Moods of R&J

I think Mercutio had it right when he told Romeo "If love be rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love for prickling, and you beat love down" (Act 3, sc. 1).  There is a school of thought that believes this is the rantings of a man that believes that love can be controlled; however, in my opinion, it is not about controlling love - but about not being controlled by it.  The idea of living outside of love's grasp and writing your own story. 

This is the advice of a man who has clearly had some experience in the torture of heartbreak.  The realization that love provides very little consolation in times when you are out of its favor tends to come as a surprise to most; but keepy in mind that after all, it is misery that loves company - not love.  Romeo suffers from the tragic flaw of perpetual lust, motivated by his drive to find true love (which let's face it, is that what him and Juliet have? or is this just another feeble attempt to rebound from unrequited love that he simply is swept up in?).  He lets "love" take its course and control him which ultimately leads to his untimely demise.  If he had been more open to the idea that love is something that we do, not something we are, like his friend was expressing to him in very dramatic fasion - maybe he would have survived it.  Instead, the tragedy lies in the fact that love conquered him.

It's easy to rely on love as the catalyst for change and internal motivation when you are in cohoots with it, but it is another story entirely when you don't fall under its protection.  The heartwrenching reality is that love is something that is often outside of our control, the only choice we have it to know the difference and refrain from letting it devour us entirely.  

Polar Opposites

Is there a difference between being too available and too unavailable?? Or are these two ends of the spectrum both virutally the same thing?

The biggest complaint that my male friends always have with my approach to men has always been that I was too available; "Men like to chase you" they say.  As I have progressed into the career sphere and out of the college zone and again back into it - my schedule and lifestyle has transformed itself into one that is less available naturally. No longer in the too available category, it got me thinking "What about people that are too unavailable?" 

If being too available makes you not enough of a challenge, than logic would reason that being too unavailable makes you too difficult of a challenge. 

Just another obstacle women have to face - finding a balance. 

Keep Calm & Carry On

1. I am terrible at interviews.

2. I had my gall bladder removed..if you are reading this and had no clue? don't feel left out..most people didn't.


3. I still tell people i'm from Detroit even though I moved to Indiana in 2001. I just don't want to lose that part of what makes me me.

4. I am a lifelong Detroit Tigers fan..but in Chicago I root for the SOX!

5. It's easy for me to walk away from people that hurt me..sometimes I look back, but only if you can't see it.


6. My love life should be considered a handicap..I truely believe I should get special parking because of it.


7. I should probably apologize to most of the guys that kissed me in 2008..only one of them made my heart beat a little faster.

8. I love to travel..I've only been to Canada, England, Japan, Mexico and Israel..but I really want to go to Italy, Peru, Ireland, and Spain in the next few years.


9. "I'm not that girl" should be my tagline


10. I feel like people don't give me a 2nd chance very often..


11. My hero is the baby brother..he's the best person I know.


12. My best friend's name is Demecina..she'sthe only person in the world with that name..Google it!


13. I should probably join Shoppers Anonymous!

14. My hebrew name is "Ariela Fayga" it means "Happy Bird"

15. I was half-born on the sidewalk outside the hospital..I was painless..and blue - like a smirf!

16. My biggest goal right now is to pay off my credit card debt.


17. I definitely was Latina in a former life.


18. My favorite earrings are silver hoops.


19. After going to Israel, I really wish that I had kept up with my jewish studies all these years..I feel like its a part of me that is missing.


20. Valentine's Day is the worst day of the year for me.


21. I've never been in love.


22. When I say I would take a bullet for someone..I mean it..I don't know what other people mean when they say it..but i'm from Detroit and be don't really mess around with that kind of statement.


23. I have guys that have been in my life for so long that I consider them substitute boyfriends..even though I don't want to date them or for some reason we didnt work out..they make me smile and make the being single days not so hard.


24. I never tell people i'm scared..i'm not big on that admitting to weaknesses thing


25. My middle name is Faith..and I think I have more of it than most people are ever blessed with knowing.

Post Hoc

As per usual the hardest decisions we make in life are usually the ones that have the added bonus of causing the most pain.  The decisions that we think are best don't always come naturally, and defintely don't [initially] come with a sugar-coating.  Unfortunately, there is no guidebook to life; no little halo-bearing (wo)man magnificantly whispering inspirational phrases in your ear, no soundtrack constantly humming the tune to your favorite song pushing you forward when you want to run backwards, and no flashing red lights to illuminate the wrong paths.

As we grow up, our decisions also become more complicated; they effect more people, they make and break personalities, and build awkward silences where its never existed.  The emotions of the people that care about you seem to fall to the wayside, and hearts tear in unnatural ways.  As you search for something that you can't put your finger on; change. 

Sometimes friendships suffer as you chase you dreams, sometimes they stand still, and other times through your pain you find the rarities that end up meaning the most.          

Zodiac

Giving advice to female friends regarding heartbreak and relationships can be an incredibly hazardous experience.  Partly because women are always of 2 minds about everything; but mostly because they are [hopefully] not pod people.  When relationships go sour, women struggle with a number of difficult decisions.  These decisions are wide ranging and depend on many variables: length of relationship, problems (cheating, bad habits, annoying quirks, clingy-ness, etc.), personal background, baggage, blah blah blah.  As far as I can see it there are two main roads to take when delving out this sort of advice [if you dare].

You can stress:
1)  Walking away
2)  Sticking it out

Either way, you have to stress that they have to make the right decision for themselves and no one else; which unfortunately is usually the hardest one. 

Sometimes walking away is the hardest thing to do -  to not stick with your comfort zone and run back the minute he calls with his sobbiest excuse, I mean apology; staying would be the easy option.  Pretending that this is just a rough spot [that happens all to often] is easier than starting over, than being alone..because let's face it - for most people on this planet, being alone pretty much sucks.  Have you ever noticed that people who say they love being single usually drink [heavily] and manage to find someone(s) to fill their bed [like it's there religion].  Walking away and giving up are not the same thing.              

However, there are a lot of people that are willing to give up at the first sign of trouble [red flag, warning].  Most times these are the people that have poor relationship histories and are trying to be smart.  These are also the people who are perpetually alone.  Not being able to trust another person romantically is a potentially harmful condition [disorder].  Being alone because you are too scared to feel is a painful reminder of what someone else did to you, what someone took away from you - your ability to let someone in; being numb is not normal.  It's not always a good idea to stay and fight for your relationship; sometimes its past that point, but you have to keep in mind that all relationships have problems.  If you run away from happiness, it's like chasing a ghost - pretty much not gonna get you anywhere.

Think about it..     

Grey Gardens

There are a LOT of shades of grey out there, however, in my current state of limited BS tolerance - i'm not interested in any of them.  You can spend your whole life "what if"-ing yourself- but the only "what if"question that I ask is "what if today was it."  There are a lot of things in life that are nice - but those things are fleeting.  Nothing is set in stone, and nothing is forever.  As time passes things change; and so do people.  Enjoy what you have while you have it, but learn to let go.  Sometimes pain is an unecessary reminder of what you don't have anymore.          

Most Influential

2 hours and 54 minutes into my 3 hour long online exam I came to the realization that: a) I was never going to finish the 75 short essays, but at least my 50 multiple choice answers were probably right, and b)holy crap the internet connection is lost.  I'm not sure which on of these epiphanies was most horrifying - but I chose right then and there to ignore both.  Although when I tried to submit my exam at 3 hours and 19 seconds, despite the obvious, it did not go through ::shock and surprise::  At this point, more importantly, I figured out that I couldn't e-mail my professor for the 2nd time today to share the berevity of my internet catastraphe's with him.  When I finally regained the internet, I desperately e-mailed him my excuse (which was not so much an excuse, but a desperate plea for yet a 3rd chance) - I received a pleasently fast and vague response which I took to mean that I can retry the exam tomorrow. 

I think the important point of this little tale is, that now I will have wasted 6 plus hours on one exam.  "The joys of being a grad student"

p.s. In the midst of this crisis - the air conditioner has went on strike...

TV & The Beast

I suffer from a very dramatic and debilitating fear of being along after dark.  A fear which I am convinced has been cast upon me by socially constructed misconceptions.  In fact, I believe it is one of the few things that both the news and Hollywood conflate on a regular basis.  It is almost certain that a women home alone at night will either be raped and/or murdered; or is certainly single which ultimately means depressed and pining away for Mr. Right - which is portrayed in an equally horrific light.  Instead of fulfilling the purpose of warning women with the dangers of solo activity and arming them with the knowledge of how to maintain a secure environment, media is actually inflicting an irrational fear of the dark onto them, myself included.  Although, obviously some locations present an added threat, statistically speaking living in a constant pattern of fear is unnecessary.     

I wonder if the propensity of these story lines are sponsored by alarm companies..

Kindness is Someone Else's Responsibility

Today, for the first time this eternity, I feel truely blessed to be single.  Being in a committed relationship seems particularly confining when I watch my friends experience it while I live vicariously through them - but it is not until recently, that it has begun to resemble willful torture.

Watching my guy friends do it is even more painful, as they clearly are in no real control of the situation and become virtuoso brainless droids strung out by Freud's principals of pleasure vs. pain in a dose much larger than any doctor would recommend; completely unresponsive to actual human emotions outside their love-dome.  It's like watching someone fall into the mythical rabbit hole - a world beyond discernable reason.  It's a horrid thing to view from an outside perspective.

::cheers::       

Disenchanted I'm Sure..

After several months of fervently dedicating myself and a vast amount of time/energy/money to working on my physique, I have discovered that perhaps working out isn't really the ideal hobby for me.  In fact, I find it neither relaxing or particularly funertaining.  I'm leaning toward the idea that being categorized as just-slightly bordering on overweight (depending on what website you're reading) is simply an inevitable part of my life.  It is really so bad to have a little extra cushioning protecting my under represented bone structure? 
At least I can be comforted by the fact that "cute" is a commonly used adjective when describing me; and my sparklingly sarcastic yet enchantingly optimistic personality could possibly go a long way in disguising my self-proclaimed "fat-girl-ness".

"no need to shop around, you got the good stuff at home"

With 3 or 4 papers standing in the way of me and an all "A" semester it is almost like duh to say that I am currently suffering from writer's block.  Not to alarm anyone, but right now at this exact moment I am in the middle of an all out internal battle between my mental block and writing a riveting paper on the cultural relevance of the novel "No Country For Old Men" which has a due date looming in the very near future.  I can't help but find myself wanted to compare this book with the recently discovered (by me) John Wayne film "Stagecoach" - and discuss nothing else than the heroic cowboyism relationship that the main characters share.  Unfortuantely, that's not the assignment and no points are awarded for creative ingenuity i.e. going off on a tangent totally unrelated to the topic.

Writer's Block is such a rude, nonsensical phenomenon.  I understand if I was an actual writer and my legitimate career choice and therefore livelihood was based on working through the inevitable stress of being insightful, but seriously my brain needs to get it together because this paper isn't going to write itself.  I can already imagine in vivid, 3-dimensional color the domino effect that procrastinating on this paper any further will surely cause on the rest of my semesters success!  Failure ensues.

However, that doesn't seem like a viable option..I predict lots of Starbucks and Red Bull in my very near future.           

Living in The Shadow of Love..and Not Loving It!

As I am prepared to spend the rest of eternity single, the idea of being acutally alone never really popped up in my survey of the fine print- I always pictured a few people along for the ride.  So what happens when one of those chosen few finds a love interest and changes the status quo?

Currently, my on-again, off-again emotional crutch turned quite necessary and accomodating amigo has decided to take the road less traveled (ok so untraveled for me)and date in a non-casual, completely commital type of way.
It's not that I begrudge his choice to expand his happiness options (which I have felt the dramatic need to ensure him), or that i'm pining away for him (I think we've beaten that horse dead) - but, HELLO!  misery does love company, and by that it should be clearly understood that there is silent "single" in front of the word company.  Obviously, there's the completely rational fear of him abandoning me to keeping in mind..
On a more personal note - if he decides that this girl is the cliched "one," let's be honest, i'm no match for love.  Translation: i'm going to be minus one pretty crucial person in my life. 

I had a friend who once told me that you know you're ready to be in a serious relationship when you're willing to let go of your opposite sex friends - I think that's bullshit.  Although, at this moment I am obviously lacking optimism (thus my choice to indugle in Cold Stone this evening) and i'm not so confident on this being a winning battle.  Unfortunately, with finals right around the corner and the delicate line between being a 4.0 grad student and not-so-much teetering ever so slightly in my unfavor - I am unable to exert myself in such capacity involving saving my friendship until at least May. 10th.  Hmmm...maybe it's a sign.  Well as I tell him; que sera, sera.

Stay tuned! ::dramatic cliffhanger music::

Celebutante

Honestly, is the life of a celebrity or former celebutante really that horrible??  In the last few years it seems that the number of actors/socialites ending their own lives or "accidentally overdosing" has catapulted to the forefront of the news. 

Celebs pop pills like dying is in style - and let me assure you that death is not a fashion statement.  There is nothing glamourous about a 6 feet pile of dirt on top of you, and decay does not do a body good.  

Before I Became a Cynical Bitch..

This weekend was very reminiscent of the time before I became a cynical bitch.  I was down in Indianapolis basking in the Final Four festivities at Jillian's, where I consumes excessive amounts of  alcohol and liquid couraged my way up to hitting on the hot, Robert Pattison look-alike that had been standing within 5-feet of me for most of the game.  **By the way my future husband's name is Josh and he roots for Butler - and there is a good chance that he resides in/or around Indianapolis**  However, despite scoring an invitation to hang out with Josh & Co. at a bar afterwards, "fate" had other plans, and by the time I figured out that I should probably exchange numbers in case of such emergency, I was stuck in the sluggishly moving ladies line and he left in the meantime.  So this is my letter a guy i'll never see again, but really thought was groovy and will indebidily hang out at Cadillac Ranch next time i'm in Indy secretly wishing that he is actually a regular there and not just a one time V.I.P. patron.

Dear Josh-
     Although you were clearly wearing too many layers of clothing for the conditions, while I was desperately trying to not look sweaty, and the guys I was with made fun of your scarf..I thought you looked pretty rugged and debionaire in a very Hollywood meets East Coast kinda way - especially when Jen commented on your outfit choice and you admitted that you had yet another heavy, unseen layer on beneath your jacket, and could laugh about it anyway. 
     To be honest, I don't really appraoch men at bars - since I usually assume that they're all douches - but something about the way you made me feel uncharacteristically intimidated and how you made my stomach feel just a little bit like it did when I was 16 and how I experienced the strange sensation of butterflies when you brushed against me, gave me a little extra umph..but since i'm being completely honest, the massive amounts of liquor I consumed may have played a slight role.
     I think you look like Robert Pattinson, which i'm not even sure he would take as a compliment - but you should.  In fact, your mannerisms are exactly as I imagine his to be - despite your facade of being too cool to care (and too cool to admit that's the look you're going for), I personally witnessed you jumping up and down at the final buzzer when Butler took home the win over my own pick, Michigan State.  Something I think we could both agree would fall into the "very RPatz" category.    
     Moreover, i'm sorry I didn't make it out to where you were later that night, where I was planning on definitely, if not completely, being very direct and informing you that even though I thought your pants didn't do your behind justice, that I thought there was something about you that I found extraordinarily appealing and I would be very interested in knowing if my first impressions of you were at all correct - but since the likelyhood of me running into you ever again barring some massive karmic retrabution kicking in - thank you for giving me the giggles and allowing me to smile and stare without getting freaked out in the least. 

Yours Truely,
Lindsay

**Please note that my use of run-on sentences is exactly how I would picture me telling him this in person..life is funny like that sometimes - Enjoy!

Remember Me

How do you tell someone you miss them?

Can I say I miss your laugh? Or is it I miss how you make me laugh?  Should I tell you why I miss you? Or what I remember about you that makes me miss you?  Is it more important to tell you how it makes me feel to remember? Or why it makes me cry when I forget?

I read an article in Women's Health that says heartbreak literally makes you ill, that love turned around can manifest as a sort of flu.  I wonder what loneliness can do.. 

You Get What You Pay For

This was the first week of my what i'm sure will be a longer than necessary graduate student career.  Although I maintain an uber exciting outlook towards it, I can't help but consider what this all really means.  As I perused the reading list/textbooks I was amazed to discover that some of them didn't appear to be textbook like at all, but average everyday reads.  Keeping that in mind, how is this different than simply reading the same material at your leisure..What makes it worth spending an outrageously, phenominal amount of money on tuition, books, and assorted fees (that let's face it, most people never really quite understand what they are used for)?? 

The difference is a simple piece of high quality paper that says that not only you can read, but that you have the higher ability to apply what you have read to situations and circumstances.  This is not saying that those who choose not to pursue higher education don't have the same smartitude, but upon completing this grueling program I will have absolute proof that I can do so - or that i'm extremely persuasive ::picture Alicia Silverstone as Cher Horowitz in Clueless::

Mel: You mean to tell me that you argued your way from a C+ to an A-?
Cher: Totally based on my powers of persuasion, you proud?
Mel: Honey, I couldn't be happier than if they were based on real grades.